Let's Try This Again, Shall We.

So here I am again, trying to kick start my writing one more time.  Frankly, it's beginning to feel like quitting tobacco with all the starts and stops.  But given that it's been almost two years since I got off the nicotine I figure if I keep at this enough times eventually it'll stick too.  I actually enjoy writing; when my brain is working well enough to do so.  And in the second half of 2017 that was almost never.  But it's not 2017 anymore, it's 2018 and with the changing year also came changing goals.  So here I am, sitting at my computer once again, coffee to my left, my fancy new Protopreneur Protoplanner (more on this later) day planner to my right and a quickly filling blank screen before me.

I won't cover too much of last year today because to do so would remove some potential topics for future posts.  And frankly, I'm not confident that I can consistently come up with new topics on the fly as I've done previously so I need to maintain ideas already in development.  I do have the second part of the concussion post begun and that's very likely to need a third and perhaps fourth installment.  I'm hoping to do an update on my intermittent fasting fairly soon as well for those who are or have been interested to read how that's coming.  But for today I'm foregoing discussing those topics and instead will discuss some information regarding goals, goal setting, and adapting goals to fit circumstances.  And this blog is a perfect place to begin that discussion.

Entering 2017, I had the goal to write two posts per month.  Before my concussion relapse I was actually producing closer to a post per week.  I felt like I was on fire.  I had ideas and those ideas were turning into words.  My writing was getting better and more fluid.  Don't get my wrong, I was a long ways away from being an actual professional but the consistent practice was clearly paying dividends.  And then, if you read this blog, you know that everything came to a screeching halt mid summer and after that almost nothing.  It's taken me this long to get back on the horse and to even get this far, some serious changes have been required.

First, I had to decide if this was still something I wished to pursue.  Given that it absolutely is, next I had to come up with production goal.  Last year I began with two posts per month.  Currently that feels a little daunting so for 2018 it'll be a single post per month.  If I manage to hit one or two extra here and there, fabulous.  But for this year, this entire year, I'm keeping the one post per month goal.  Doing so alleviates the possibility that I'll add any additional pressure regarding this task and that's an important part of my recovery and life change requirements.  Third, I've planned a day for blog production weekly.  For now, it's Monday evenings for an hour.  At that time I'll brainstorm, write, edit, ect that months work.  Perhaps I'll have something I can post the next day or maybe it'll take all four monthly sessions to have something shareable but it doesn't matter.  I have time carved out to write.  Just like I have time set aside for studying, working out, spending time with family, ect.  It's not to say I can't write at others times if I'd like as well, this simply gives me a fixed window for this task.


The Simple Things is not the only place I've been working on some goal adjustments but it's obviously the most relevant here.  The truth is I've had to make many adjustments and one of the biggest was opening up to allowing some fluidity with my goals.  While I think some goals should be more rigid than others, the reality is that life happens and sometimes we have to change what we're doing on the fly.  Sometimes we can detour around said changes and get back on the same path we were on previously, sometimes we have to seek a new path, and other times we have to change the destination all together.  The hard part is deciding which move is required.  Too much rigidity and one risks constant failure.  Too much fluidity and no real goals will ever be set or met.  All such decisions must not only be made on a case by case basis, but the method for making the decisions must be carefully analyzed as well.  The need for consistent, unbiased review of ones path and goal  is a paramount yet often overlooked part of a successful process.  In truth, it can be tricky to not become so overly focused with planning and reviewing that work is never accomplished but being aware of the possibility that that can happen is a good first step to avoiding it. 

This is where having support comes in handy.  And I say this as someone who's overly independent and does not like to ask for help (drives my wife NUTS).  Your support has the ability to see things you don't, brings different experiences and perspectives to the table, and can let you know when you're off track.  You might not want to hear what they have to say, may not like their opinions, but even if you choose to stick to your original plan, there's value in having as much information as possible.  The reason I have my new planner is due to my wife.  She had one and I really liked what she was doing with it so she purchased one for me and has been helping to set it up in a way that will hopefully enable me to accomplish more.  Her support will hopefully enable me to pursue my own dreams in a healthier and more efficient manner and had it not been for her and coming up with these solutions, if I wasn't currently experiencing another relapse I'd be damn close it.

And there we have it, both my first post in the past three months as well as my first post of 2018.  Won't lie, this feels like a huge win.  Not only that I somehow managed to get the damn thing written and live before the end of January making me 1 for 1 this year.  Who's to say what next month will bring but tonight it doesn't matter.  Tonight I'm on track for the year.  Tonight, with post ideas in tow and a couple weeks to work on them, I'm ahead of the game.  Tonight I'll hit publish and The Simple Things will be live once again and trust me, that's No Simple Thing. 

   

I Fail

I fail.  I fail often in-fact.  Some of my failures are bigger than others.  Some affect only myself while others may have a lasting impact on those around me.  Sometimes past failures keep me up at night and potential future failures keep me from doing my best work in the present.  Failure can be all and it can be nothing.  It can keep us from reaching our potential or it can propel us towards it.  It has the ability to tear us down or help us to be great.  Like so many other aspects of life, the nuances of failure are often lost. They've been lost to me numerous times throughout life and it was only until the past few years that I really began to appreciate the teacher that failure can be.  None of this is to say that failure can't suck.  That it doesn't hurt. That it doesn't leave an indelible mark on one physically, emotionally, spiritually, psychologically.  We know better than that.  But it's a shame that the positive aspects of failure are often lost because within can lie unfounded greatness waiting to be revealed.

The other evening I mentioned to my wife that I'm awful at living in the moment and she agreed.  It was a revelation to me because I hadn't thought of it in that manner before but now that I have, it's maintained a considerable presence within my thoughts.  I have trouble enjoying things because I'm often thinking about what's to come after.  How is the house, the dog, her health, Caden's upcoming practice and game schedule, the travel to and from events and appointments, the future, the this, the that, the "how the hell does one actually live in the God damn moment and forget all the other shit for fucking 5 minutes."  Yes, thinking about not thinking, as evidenced by this post, is even an issue.  I absolutely, 100%, fail at enjoying almost everything because I can't focus and I can't settle my brain. And this is one of those failures that really hurts because it affects the time I spend with my loved ones.  It's not their fault and it truly bothers me that I can't seem to settle myself enough to be fully locked into those moments.  Lifting, working in the woods, and coaching seem to be the three more prominent times when I can shut everything out but given that not being fully aware for two of those could lead to serious injury or death, it would clearly be beneficial to find other, less stress inducing, times when I can remain in the present because clearly I'm making myself a candidate for a damn heart attack.

It's a bummer to think I couldn't relax here..

All that said, as I mentioned in the beginning, failure does present opportunities.  Being aware of what's happening allows me to take steps to try and combat it.  And if I'm successful I can look to build upon the successes, which in turn will both make life better and give me more to write about! That's certainly a win-win.  And it's not just with this example either.  With my current fasting experiment there has been some and will likely be more, failures that I'll have the opportunity to learn from. Shawna and I are working on a family budget (using actual technology this time!) and I have no doubt there will be some failures as we begin instituting it.  Hell, we've done this before and here we are beginning again so clearly failure has been part of the process already.  Whether or not we succeed in the manner we're pursuing cannot be known but as we begin the process, I feel confident the previous pitfalls can be avoided because we know what to look for.  And that's an area where prior failure can really shine; knowledge.

So, what's a person to do with all this failure?  My best advice is to first acknowledge and then utilize its lessons as we push forward.  I know that some of my failures are what have led me to success in the same way that some of them have simply led me to failure and no further.  Failing still scares me more often than I feel it should and at times I use avoidance to keep myself from positions where it's possible. Honestly, those times are more frustrating than if I'd just made an unsuccessful attempt but you only learn that through experience.  That's the shoulda, coulda, woulda feeling we all have at one time or another; the regret that comes from not even trying.  Is that feeling worse than failing?  I guess that's up to the individual but for me, the answer is a resounding yes.  I'm far more haunted by the regrets from not attempting experiences than I've ever been from trying and failing.  And yet, I still find myself from time to time falling into that habit.  Frustrating to say the least.

The reality is is that failure happens to us all.  No one is immune.  But it seems the ability to handle failure is a key component in what separates the successful from the unsuccessful.  The successful see opportunities within the attempts even if the task objectives are not met. They succeed because they learn and impart the wisdom from each effort not only onto that specific task but onto other tasks that may present similar challenges.  They both acknowledge and understand that failure isn't just a possibility but is at times, a necessary part of the process.  Sure, there are definite failures you'd prefer to avoid (See: Exxon Valdez, 08' Economic Collapse, Prohibition, ect) but it's hoped that even from those unmitigated disasters something good can arise (in the case of prohibition, not so much clearly).  And I guess that's what I'm trying to leave you with today.  The feeling that failure itself isn't required to define us.  Our response to it may but how many people talk about the shots that Michael Jordan missed at the end of games?  Or how many times Derek Jeter didn't come through in the clutch?  Or how many publishers turned down J.K Rowling before she achieved success?  Except for discussing them in the context of perseverance, not many.  Each of them not only used their failures as motivation, they used them as learning experiences because they knew they'd be faced with similar circumstances again eventually.  And that's something we can all strive for.  I fail, and because I do, I will also succeed.