Frustration with the World of Medicine

Over the course of our many visits to various doctors we've faced frustration after frustration in our attempt to get answers.  However, before I get too far into this post I feel as though I should first preface the following sentences by stating that I really don't have much faith in the world of medicine.  It's not that I don't think doctors are needed or that I don't think many of them are good people; I see a flawed system that is set up to fail from the outset because it's based on the premise that it's ok to treat symptoms rather than causation.  Personally, I very rarely visit traditional Doctors.  Unless it's an ER visit or something small that I know I simply need medication for (of which most likely I will only take until the symptoms recede), I don't go.  Sure, at some point I'll most likely go in for yearly or bi-yearly physicals and for the dreaded finger test but I'm not there yet and instead have decide to take my health into my own hands.

My preference is holistic medicine and traditional remedies for every day issues.  I've never had a flu shot, I don't have a family Dr., and I have no prescriptions taking up room in the medicine cabinet but as I believe I mentioned before, I do have a chiropractor friend that I can visit when I'm in the area for adjustments or contact otherwise if I'm having an issue I'm having trouble diagnosing or treating.  Some may consider this nuts but considering I spent $1,500 dollars for 3 Dr. visits and an MRI for a problem she diagnosed in 5 minutes during a $40 visit (without an MRI or any other technology), I'll take my chances with this unconventional approach.

Ok, back to the post at hand.  A few weeks ago Marilyn and I made a trip to see a new neurologist for her first meeting.  As I stated above, my biggest issue with today's medical profession is treating for symptoms rather than cause.  I think my second biggest issue is simply relying on the opinion of previous doctors over the information the patient is attempting to tell you.  Unfortunately I feel this is becoming a norm when dealing with her issues.  Now, it could be that the neurologist was simply attempting to get background and nothing more today so that she can develop a course of action leading into the next scheduled appointment but when you've seen this similar pattern previously it gets frustrating...extremely fucking frustrating.

The following appointment I really had the opportunity to see what was up with this woman.  She'd sent Marilyn and I to an appointment at a hospital in Bangor (4 hours away) for an EEG the month before.  Rather than have a complete EEG done where she would stay in the hospital and be monitored, they hooked her up and sent her home for the weekend.  It didn't make sense to me but she's the Doctor not me so I went with it.  When we went in for the following appointment after that EEG she reiterated what the Army docs had told her based on her file and the results from that single test.  She was using that test as a be all, end all for her diagnosis.  When I questioned her on it (EEG's done outside the scalp are only able to detect seizure activity a short distance into the brain.) she continued to throw out the term 'pseudoseizure'.  When I informed her that I'd been doing a serious amount of research about the difference between a pseudo and grand mal seizure, including watching videos for comparison to what I've seen, she became indignant which in turn pissed me off and I think she knew it.  At the end of the visit she didn't even come back in but rather sent her charge nurse to bring us some paper work.  Paper work that included information on PTSD....Like I don't fucking know about PTSD.  To really cap things off though she took Marilyn off her seizure meds...at at once!!  She simply didn't allow the script to be refilled.  What kind of Doctor doesn't ween their patients off meds like that to ensure their safety?  Needless to say after our experience with her as well as learning from our home care nurse we're not the only ones with similar experiences, we're not going back.  At this point we've decided to wait until we move and can get in touch with some REAL neurologists not this fake collecting a paycheck we have up here.

The truth is no one seems to know is going on.  The Army listed her as having pseudo seizures which is basically the minds way of shutting the body down (google it for a more in-depth description) and has some similar symptoms to epileptic seizures.  SOME similarities being key here for while they have things in common the differences are pretty drastic. Being involved and presented with the on a daily basis, I took some time to look them up so I would be aware of what to look for.  Contrary to belief most pseudo seizures aren't controlled by the individual having them but they can be helped with psychological treatment and counseling over time.  Realistically, I'd be ok with the diagnosis if it would help her not only with the seizures but also with her memory issues, neuropothy in her legs, and daily tremors.  At least a course of action would be being taken toward attempting to help her rather than just waiting for the next issue to arise.  However, as I become more educated on neurological disorders, issues, symptoms, and the like, I feel as though many of these people are simply relying on the chart rather than asking questions of both Marilyn and I, and are making limited efforts to answer questions on their own and are instead listening to someone else's opinion.

For those reading this, this is not simply a VA issue though they certainly have their horror stories from around the country.  At our location we're dealing with the VA some but for her specialists we're in a different program because it's more cost efficient than having us make 6 hour trips constantly.  It's both easier on us because it's cuts out travel down significantly as well as more cost effective for the VA because they're not having to pay travel costs for the roughly 450 mile round trip.  So, while we're dealing with the VA, it's on a limited basis.   These experiences have led us to the decision that once we move we're going outside the system and are going to look for a neuro who'll look at her case with fresh eyes.  It's to the point that we're not even going to take or have her history sent to them.  Everything they hear, at least in the beginning, will be from us.  Later, if they want something we'll provide them with it but in the beginning we want someone who's going to have actually take the time to look at things and develop their own opinion.  We've also just met someone with a sever case of Lyme disease and have decided to pursue testing for that as well.

I don't know if it's always been like that, but it seems to me that if there's no money to be made, the medical profession doesn't really give a shit about patient health or care.  It makes sense in a way.  The longer you're sick, the more money that can be made off you.  Sad that I even have that thought but my own experiences combined with the stories floating all around have led me here.  I sincerely hope that we can find someone who's willing to take on her case and really look to solve it.  If that day comes I'll use this blog (though it's rather small at the moment) to promote that person like no body's business!  I want my wife to get well.  I want others suffering from sever conditions to get well.  And most of us, I want our medical professionals to stop treating symptoms and begin treating ailments.   

Resolutions

I'm not normally huge on resolutions but this year feels a little different.  At the end of the past few years I went into the next year hoping things would be better.  As I'm writing this today I feel as though this coming year is going to be exciting and full of possibilities.  Last year wasn't bad, don't get me wrong.  I outlined some of those highlights in my last post so I don't feel the need to regurgitate them here but man, for whatever reason I'm excited.

As I'm pretty straight forward and to the point, I won't prolong this any longer.  However, know this is not my full list of goals and resolutions for the year but only the ones that pertain directly to the family and this blog.  So, without further adieu, my goals for 2014!

1.)  Be more consistent with my blog entries.
     I've been lacking a bit in this department for the past few months and to begin the year I'm hoping to be more on top of it.  Be expecting to see a few posts within the next few days as I post what are now drafts so I can clear my board and begin fresh for the new year.

2.)  Find, purchase, and move into a new home.
     This is high up on both Marilyn and I's list.  Moving further south and into a home better suited for us will allow us to be closer to better Doctors, my family, Jimmy's family, and other services we're anxious to take advantage of.

3.)  Quit chewing tobacco.
     I know many people who have the goals to quit tobacco at the beginning of every year.  This would benefit both myself and the family now and in the long term.  Kind of a now brainer after spending more than 15 years doing it.  (I'm 30 by the way.  Half a life on this shit is enough.)

4.)  Continue and take our change to a healthier lifestyle to the next level.
     We're changing the way we prepare food and our exercise habits.  Marilyn is looking to get back into yoga and for now I'm jumping back on the Rush Fit DVD's until we do get moved and I can join my friends back at the gym.  We planning and preparing meals ahead of time to save time and money because we won't be throwing away as much food.  Eating out is going to become extremely limited as well.

5.)  Finish my first novel.
     I've been working on the damn thing for the past 6 years.  I was hoping to finish the initial draft before the end of this year but I've been so busy I haven't written in the past 6 months.  It's time to open that baby up and get it done.  I know the editing process is going to be time consuming and if I ever want to get started on my new idea for a novel I need to get the first one done.

So there they are.  Not a huge list but things that are certainly within the realm of accomplishing with a little time and effort.  What are your goals or resolutions for 2014?

In closing, please be safe if you're going out tonight.  Call a friend or a cab and don't drink and drive.  Have fun, live it up, and enjoy all the simple things!

Years End

It's coming to the end of the 2013 and what a year it's been.  It's a year that saw me marry my "Love Monkey", become a step-dad, have Jimmy move up to live with us, become a hockey parent...and that's all in the past few months!!  At this point I'm not even sure what happened at the beginning of the year because I've been so busy with all the life changes lately!  HAHA.  It's caused me to run around like a chicken with my head cut off at times, fall behind on my blog entries; laugh, smile, shut down, open up, and at times generally feel like I'm losing my God damn mind....and this was all separate from the day to day goings on with the wife's up and down health issues.  It's fun when it's done but sometimes it's a wonder I have any hair left.

As I'm writing this Christmas, is only a few days a way.  I'm behind on everything.  I need to purchase the rest of my presents tomorrow if the weather cooperates  (And before you judge the fact I'm behind, my credit card info was stolen and I was without access to my checking account for the past two weeks because my bank is four hours away.)  The other things; those can be considered my fault however!  I have things I need to finish building and making, I haven't wrapped one thing I did purchase, I have a house and car in need of cleaning before we leave to have the holiday with my family, and I have paperwork I need to finish and mail out ASAP.  Marilyn's health has been up and down constantly, because of the way the house is set up and because we live in such a cold climate it's necessary for one of us to be to up all night watching the heat sources, and sometimes I feel like I'm on the run constantly for Jimmy's hockey practices and games.  (If you're a hockey parent, you have some notion of this kind of schedule)

However, even with everything going on, IT'S CHRISTMAS TIME!  I love this time of year for a variety of reasons.  For me the season is much more than simply presents under the tree.  It's a time set aside for family where we can all enjoy one another's company and look back at the previous years trials and tribulations.  It's also a time for hope.  Magic can happen during this time of year, at least it seems that way to me.  I like some of the sappy Christmas movies as I think they have a certain inspirational quality.  Sad to say, it's one of the few times during the year when my faith in humanity becomes absolute.  A little strange, I know.

It's also a time of year where we can look forward to hopes that the next year will or may be just a little better than the previous one.  If not necessarily better, than different if it suits you better.  It's hard to imagine a better year for my family but it doesn't change the fact we have some things we're hoping to improve on.  We're looking to purchase a home further down state.  This will enable many things for us depending on the location.  Marilyn can finally have the pottery studio she both wants and needs.  I can hopefully start a Christmas tree farm and go back to work.  We'll be closer to Jimmy's family.  And my friends and family will be within visiting distance.  Together with that I have hope that next year we'll figure out what's going on with Marilyn's health.  This hope is not currently based on anything particular that's happened but it's a hope I'll have at the end of every year until the puzzle is solved.

This was just kind of a quick "here's what's going on since I haven't written in awhile" post.  I'm hoping that once we're back from holiday I'll be back to posting on a regular basis.  First up for 2014 will be a "resolutions" post.  Stay tuned!  Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Happy New Year and don't forget during this time of year to remember the simple things.  :)  

Dealing with PTSD, Depression, and Suicide as a friend or family member

This post is going to deviate slightly from the basic premise of this blog.  If you've read any of the previous posts you're aware that this blog was started to discuss my day to day life as the now husband and caretaker of a disabled veteran.  While some of the subjects I'll discuss today are relevant to that, the overall theme today is more about what we can do as friends and family to help returning veterans as they make the tough transition to civilian life.  Being that I'm also writing this on the 12th anniversary of 9/11, I'm also going to include our first responders in this as well since many of them also see the kind of hell on a daily basis that over time can bring about issues.

Before I begin, for anyone new to this blog, I myself am not a veteran.  I'm also not a firefighter, EMT, or LEO.  I'm married to a vet, friends with cops, and two of my best friends are vets.  I'm also not one of those people who hangs on in an attempt to distract attention away from their accomplishments and service or garner something for myself.  I met Marilyn on-line knowing nothing of her past, my cop friends are people I've been hanging out with since high school or earlier, and the two vets (who also stood with me at my wedding) ironically became friends through an ex-girlfriend (one is her brother-in-law.)  In actuality, I try to distance myself from all of them if the topic of service, be it military or public, comes up because the idea of stealing someones valor, intentionally or unintentionally makes me sick to my stomach.  I'm just a regular guy who's met some great people along the way in life and like everyone, they have a back story.

So where am I going with today's post?  Being friends with people who've seen and been through so much has given me a unique perspective into dealing with PTSD and depression as a friend and family member.  This does not, by an means, mean that I know everything.  It doesn't even mean I know a little about the subject to be quite honest.  But one thing I do know is that it's real.  I've seen the breakdowns. I've seen the tears. I've heard the stories. I've seen the stares off into space. And I seen the quick subject changes that come when a topic is brought up and is a little too close to home.  Today's post is just a mix of what's worked for me and what may help you as a friend and loved one.  Some, are perhaps things you've heard before but I've also included some you may not have thought of.  I also leave this open to comments from people with far more knowledge than I; including those who are or have dealt PTSD, Depression, and thoughts of Suicide.

1.)  If you weren't there, don't attempt to correlate what they went through to an experience you had or something you went through:
      Your high school sports team is not the same as being in a military unit.  I know this and many others know this.  However, from what I've heard and read from those who've been in the military, apparently many people don't.  You're comparing apples to oranges.  Just because you were part of a team doesn't mean equality unless, while you were on the field playing, you were dodging mortars instead of tacklers, defenders, ect..  Similarly, dealing with death is also different.  While your grandma's passing was a tough time I'm sure, having your friend die in battle right in front of you is going to play much more traumatically in your mind.  Take a second, close your eyes and imagine someone you really love:  a best friend, child, spouse.  Now think about them dying in some gruesome way.  Does it still feel the same as getting a phone call that your great aunt died?  If it does, there's something seriously fucking wrong with you.  If someone feels close enough to open up to you about something terrible, keep your ears open and your mouth shut and let them get it out.  Perhaps ask a few questions if you feel comfortable enough doing so.  But remember, it's their time.  Don't steal those needed moments from them.

2.)  Don't ask stupid questions:
      I think the famous one that idiots ask is, "Did you kill anyone other there."  This can be followed with, "How many people did you kill" and "what's it like to kill someone".  I mean really?  Is our culture really that fucking dense that we still think it's ok to ask these questions?  I've seen children ask these questions and while it's not acceptable obviously, they simply don't understand.  They're most likely associating war, shootings, death, ect with things they've seen on TV.  And I think that's ok to a point.  It's an opportunity to teach them something and most vets I've talked to, while uncomfortable about it obviously, have understanding when it comes to questions children ask.  However, if you're an adult and being that insensitive and ignorant you deserve the fist that you may receive in the mouth.  Sorry, but you're supposed to be a grown up.  There are more than enough reference materials floating around now that you should be well aware of what's acceptable.

3.)  Don't be in a hurry:
      Chances are if someone is comfortable enough to begin talking to you about their experience or experiences it's not all going to come out at once.  As a matter or fact, most people don't reveal everything about too many topics all at once.  It will come out over time and you have to realize that.  It may take months or years to find out everything that happened.  You may never get all the information.  But you need to exercise patience.  Let them talk at their own pace.  What they may not trust revealing now they may over time once they work it out in their own mind.  Perhaps you haven't built up enough trust with them for them to get into too much detail.  That's ok, it really is.  There's no need to poke and prod to try and satisfy your own curiosity and there's no guarantee that the faster they talk about something the faster they'll get over it and move on.  Respect and work with the process.  It'll go much better for the both of you.    

4.)  You're going to be uncomfortable:
      It's just a reality that if you've never experienced something like that, if someone is attempting to open up to you about it, you're going to be somewhat uncomfortable about it.  I know the first few times it happened I sure as hell was.  I think sometimes it's where issue where number one arises.  You're uncomfortable and rather than feel that way you attempt to fill in the blank space.  Do yourself and your loved one a favor:  Don't.  Again, it's their time so let them have it.  There will be times later to discuss other things but now is not it.

5.)  Reach out...and don't stop:
    I believe it's important for these people to know that A.)  You care, B.)  You're available, and C.) That you have their back.  If you've called your buddy and invited him over or out for a beer 5 times and he's declined, make the call a 6th, 7th, 100th time.  Remember, it's not about you and your pride.  Perhaps they'll stop answering your calls for awhile but there's a lot to be said for looking at your missed call list and seeing a friend or families number on there repeatedly when you're going through a tough time.  Stop by and see how they're doing.  Make them dinner and drop it off from time to time.  Offer to take them on a hiking trip or to a ball game or something that interests or interested them previously.  Just make sure they know you're there if they need you.

6.)  Do your own research:
      By doing your own research I'm not talking about clinical research; I'm talking about research that may help you gain an understanding of what it is they went and are going through.  I have pages on facebook that I follow for this simple reasons.  It's from one of them that I actually had the idea for this article.  It's a veteran owned and operated site and this week they've been publishing blog posts about PTSD and suicide among returning vets.  You can learn a lot from people who've been there and are now willing to discuss it.  You can get some insight as to what's going on in their mind and by having that insight it may help you react if the time ever comes when someone close to you is going through it.  Another valuable resource for me has been the works of Lt. Col. Dave Grossman, author of 'On Killing' and 'On Combat'.  These two works are great in my opinion not only for Leo's and soldiers, but also for those who see the indirect results of combat on a consistent basis.

7.)  Talk to them in a way that allows them to talk back:
     If they're someone you care about talk to them.  And don't talk at them, talk to them.  And yes, there's a difference.  Don't attempt to tell someone how they should feel or try to put a time line on when they may begin feeling better or moving past what's bothering them.  It doesn't work like that no matter how much you want it too.  It all goes back to number 2.  Just because it makes you uncomfortable doesn't give you the right to be a selfish asshole.  You don't and can't know what's going on in their mind.  Again, what you can do is be there for them.  I've heard a lot of stories that I won't repeat here or anywhere else because it would violate a trust I hold dear but needless to say I've heard some pretty horrible accounts of things.  However, here's where it gets tricky for most people.  I listened rather than talked through most of it.  Let me say that again...I L.I.S.T.E.N.E.D!  I was shown an unimaginable amount of trust and in that moment you have to realize that it's not about you; it's about them.  I tend to ask some questions but that all comes down to the relationship you have with that person and your own insight into who they are.  It also comes down to your own general intelligence and whether or not you think you can ask questions that are appropriate.  Not everyone has that insight into themselves and if you don't think your questions will be helpful, just listen and let them talk until their ready to move on to something else.

8.)  Don't make fun of, bully, or patronize, ect.
      My wife actually led me to this one from a story that happened that I'll share.  We hadn't been together for only a few months when one night while lying on the couch we heard this very loud "bang" that I actually thought was a shotgun going off.  Living as close as we did to my family, it was not unheard of to hear something like that for me as rodents have been dispatched from time to time that way while growing up.  However, Marilyn was shaking and flush colored from being startled so suddenly.  I went outside to search out the source but could find no sign of anyone and was left shaking my head.  Awhile later I went to the fridge and found out that a can of biscuits had built up enough pressure inside to explode open.  It was funny then but what she appreciated was that I laughed (along with her) about it later.  I didn't judge her or make fun; I had enough understanding from talking to her previously to know that loud, unexpected noises were troublesome.  Fireworks are another trigger for her and many, many other veterans as are heavily populated areas.  Not every trigger can be avoided, but using someone else's emotional breaks for your own amusement can be.  Do what you can to bring them back closer to their comfort zone and perhaps later on, when the time is right you can both have a laugh at it.    


9.)  Seek your own help:
      I have no experience in the mental health field.  I have an interest in psychology and human behavior so I  read and study it somewhat as a hobby but a professional I am not.  That being said, it can be helpful to have someone to talk to yourself.  Not only can you get out what's going on in a place that won't judge you or your friend/loved one, but they can potentially give you tools and advice for dealing with it.  I know there can be a stigma for getting mental health help but the reality is that there's nothing wrong with it.  Seeking advice from someone who's made it their life's work to study, analyze, and understand the human mind is no different than going to a mechanic to have work done on your car.  It's what they do and they have a much better understanding than anyone else on the subject. Use the tools and information available to you.  It'll help you and your loved one.  


I'm not going to lie, it's not always easy.  Our vets and public servants are not only dealing with the trauma; they also get to deal with the current stigma associated with PTSD as well as the knowledge that they're not the same person and the strain it can put on those around them.  What we can do as friends and family is let them know that we can handle the strain.  That it's ok for them to let it out if they need too and that we love them and are there for them when and if they need it.  That we're not going to run from them in their time of need like they didn't run when we needed them.  Do things change overnight?  Nope.  It's a long haul thing and there's no guarantee things will go back to the way they were previously.  However, it's rewarding.  It's rewarding like nothing else that can be imagined.  To let someone know that you're going to have their back through thick and thin, through good times and bad; that you're not going to leave their side just because things are hard...that's not a little thing.  That's one of the big ones.

Whirlwind

Boy, what a crazy few weeks it's been.  First things first:  I'm officially a married man!  The misses and I made it official on August 10th in front of roughly 70 people.  Having planned the whole thing and executed it ourselves (and with the help of some family and friends) I can honestly say I'm glad it's over!  The last week was nothing but pure craziness leading up to the main event.  We had her family visiting, work trying to get done around the house, me running around trying to accomplish tasks while putting out the minor fires (not literal fires FYI) all over the place, Marilyn trying to close out last minute details so I could accomplish some of the tasks.  It was a lot of build up and thankfully all the hard work paid off with some good weather and a wedding day that went off better than we could have hoped.  Even the kids and dogs were well behaved and we had no real major incidents.

One of the interesting things I did learn from the whole deal was who's got my back if I need them.  I'm not talking about the people I can call if I need help.  I'm talking about those that don't wait for me to call.  That can see just from looking at me that my stress level is nearing max capacity and I need a hand getting things done.  Call it pride or whatever, I'm shit at asking for help and don't generally do it unless I'm in way over my head.  I was ever so thankful that I had some people at the wedding that didn't wait to be asked; that noticed issues and fixed them so I didn't even realize there had been a problem until I was informed of it later.  It was huge and I'm incredibly grateful to those people.

We also found out a couple days after the wedding that a house we'd made an offer on fell through.  Thank you Fannie Mae for being dicks.  I could get into the whole story in a seperate post but suffice it to say they don't appear to be inclined to work with potential home buyers if they own the home and would apparently rather let an unused house sit and rot rather than make any negotiations.  It was and still is frustrating because it was the first house we've looked at that Marilyn and I have both really liked and didn't need a boat load of money to fix up.  (We're looking more for a fixer upper than move in ready because it will both give me the ability to make it ours and they also tend to be cheaper so we can get more home for our money).  Now we're back to the drawing board and preparing for another winter at our current location.  Hopefully something will come up before the snow flies but at this point we have no choice but to prepare to be at our present location.

After that things get a bit blurry.  We're holding off on a honeymoon both for financial (see wanting a house above) and because Jimmy began 6th grade last week.  Because of that, last week we made the four hour drive south so Marilyn could have an ambulatory EEG (description: http://www.epilepsy.com/epilepsy/eeg_ambulatory) done over the weekend.  Basically, they hooked up her head with a bunch of electrodes and recorded what her brain did all weekend in the search for why she's having seizures and to potentially give us some clue as to why she's having such big issues with her legs.

Once we returned home, the next day was off to two more appointments with the "local" doctors....60 miles away!  Honestly, between the traveling to the EEG, the local docs, and the extra driving I did over the weekend to accomplish some tasks and see some people I hadn't visited in awhile, I spent more ass time than I could have fathomed.  I was ready to be home for a few days and to get to work on some tasks left unfinished due to the hectic nature of the past few weeks.  Well, I've gotten what I asked for.  Laundry, dishes, house cleaning have all been getting accomplished along with getting Jimmy up and off for school and attempting to get into some sort of routine.

It's been crazy around here and I'm not sure when it's going to slow down.  Winter is coming whether we like it or not and I have a million things to do to prep for it.  White tale archery, duck, and partridge hunting seasons begin in a little over a month as well Jimmy's 6 month hockey season.  Sometimes I feel like my damn head is spinning and I have so many projects I have no idea where to begin.  At the same time, after already experiencing one winter up here I fully realize that at some point things will slow down to a near crawl as the temperature gauge hits 25-30 below zero and everything in nature goes into hibernation.  I guess, all I can say at this point is, I can't wait for short time of year I get to be sitting in a tree stand listening to the sounds of nature and the only human voice is the one in my head.  For those days are the ones where I can truly reflect on the simple things.  

Change Is In The Air

It's been awhile since I've been on this thing.  For the past couple months I've had a sever case of writers block that not only extended itself to this, but it's also crept into my ability to write creatively.  Basically, my brain has been fried with what seems like a mountain of changes that have been happening within our family.  So, this post is basically to catch everyone up on what's been going on the past few months with the hope I'll be able to put myself back on track to keep up with this on a more regular basis.

The wedding is only 11 days away as of this writing.  Since we're doing much of the work ourselves and having the wedding at home we've been busy, busy, busy, making last minute preparations. (I would also like to take this time to say a huge thank you to my family as well; especially my mom and grandmother who've been instrumental in getting things together and accomplished.)  There's still quite a bit to do but thankfully next week I have some reinforcements coming in in the persons of Marilyns' dad, sister, and her boyfriend so we can finish up some of the landscaping work and house preparation for the winter.

Jimmy came to live with us about two months ago.  I have to say, as much of a change as its been getting used to having another person in the house to watch after it's very exciting as well.  He's such a great kid and a joy to have around.  Not to mention, I can steal some of my parents old tricks for getting him to give me a hand doing work around the house when needed.  ;)  Seriously though, he's so inquizitive about everything around him and picks up on new tasks and ideas quickly it's fun for me because not only can I show him new and different ways of doing things. He's also at the stage where he's developing his own unique ways of solving problems as well.  For a person who likes to be challenged, he keeps my life interesting to say the least!  HA!

We're currently looking for a new home closer to my family and better medical care for Marilyn.  Yes, I know I haven't written an in-dept post of how we came to live here in the first place but it will be the subject of a future post I promise.  Anyways, what a pain in the ass this is!  Thankfully our list of wants match up fairly well so that's making it easier but the damn process for finding, securing, and closing on a home seems much more complicated than in really needs to be.  Not to mention the time involved to do such things!  Seeing as how we live anywhere from 3 to 4 hours away from all potential locations, it makes going to check places out both time consuming and expensive with the price of fuel constantly going up.

I guess I'll close it out with a few incidentals.  I finished the complete Rushfit Beginner program and have tried to start intermediate 2 but failed after a couple of weeks.  Tonight I try for the third time to start and stick with it.  This was much easier during the winter when I really had nothing else going on!  HA!  I competed in and completed my first adventure race, the Tough Mountain Challenge at Sunday River Ski Resort a couple weeks ago.  So much fun and I'm already planning and preparing to do another race in New Hampshire this fall (Hopefully that is.  Still a few details to work out since it's an 8 hour drive)  Marilyn seems to have found a niche' market for her pottery by making sculptures, many of them Maine themed and some of them being working lamps and even some bird feeders and she's also become quite the avid gardner.

It's been quite a summer thus far and will only get better in a little over a week. Big changes are happening and are going to continue to happen for at least the next few months.  I'm already looking forward to a time when I can settle down in my new home, with friends and family, a cold locally brewed adult beverage, and a camp fire.  For those are the times when everyone can talk and laugh and truly enjoy the simple things.

The Arrival of Spring

Off the four seasons I think spring is my favorite though this opinion may change come fall when the nights begin to chill and you can smell the freshness of frost in the air.  However, I can't lie; fall also brings hunting season so my opinion on the subject may be a little skewed.  But alas, I really do love spring.  Walking through the woods the other day I noticed fresh scrapings on a tree indicating that a bear had awoken from it's winter slumber and is on the roam in our back yard.  A couple of days later, Marilyn and I were sitting on the porch drinking our morning coffee and a bald eagle flew overhead and was circling above our field.  The spring birds are out, the grass is turning green, and I have a full slate of landscaping project ahead of me that will supply my body with vitamin D on a daily basis.  It's almost like you can feel renewal of your body as, like the bear, it awakens from it's winter slumber.

For me this time of a year feels like the time when anything is possible.  I know many use January 1 to make resolutions and list the changes they'd like to make in their lives but for me it's spring.  This is the time of year when Marilyn can go outside, whether it be with her crutches or wheel chair depending on the day, and sit in her garden and work just like someone without her limitations.  She can work on her pottery and artwork outside and use the suns warmth to try and heal herself as well as provide a unique aspect to her life's work.  We can work side by side on outside projects rather than being in two separate areas of the house because we're divided by dissimilar interests.  Yes, I love spring.

Our spring has brought about a few major happenings in the past couple of weeks in our little corner of the world.  Marilyn, who started a kickstarter project to raise money for some needed pottery equipment a couple weeks ago, reached her initial goal this week.  She's now well on her way to her secondary goals with a little over a week left.  I want to take a minute before continuing on to thank everyone who contributed to her project.  It's amazing the outpouring of support and outreach she's received.  

This week she also had an article about her project and a synopsis of her story printed in the local newspaper.  The woman who interviewed her and wrote the article did an outstanding job and I was very appreciative of the quality of her work.  I think one of the funniest parts about the whole deal was the fact that the journalist is a friend of one of my groomsman and none of us had any idea until after the fact.  6 degrees of separation indeed.

My spring and summer project list is finally under way.  Up until two weeks ago we still had snow and I was getting concerned whether I'd have enough time to get everything done.  While it's still a concern, it's lessened with a week and a half of 65+ degree days and very fast snow melt.  Summer landscaping in preparation for the wedding started last week with some hardscaping projects.  The mower has been serviced and ready to go for the year, and planting will commence in a couple weeks so we'll have not only some beautiful flowers to look at throughout the summer season, but hopefully quality fresh veggies to enjoy as well.  While I have many other projects, some big and some small, it's great to feel as though the preparation part of spring is nearly complete and from here forward I can simply do the work and start checking them off the list.  

The truth is, spring brings a renewal not just to the earth and animal kingdom, but to all of us as well if we let it.  While it's true that we have the ability to have such thoughts and makeovers all year long, it's as if our bodies are naturally drawn to the season to cleanse ourselves of the previous years toxins.  The air drys and clears, the sun warms us and draws the toxins from our bodies, and the spring rains change the ground and the trees from dull browns and black to a vast array of vibrant colors.  There is a reason to every season and for me, the reason for spring comes down to a few words:  Future, Hope, and Optimism.