This is a little early in the process but I'm pretty excited so I thought why the hell not write about the beginning of this new endeavor and then perhaps do some updates along the way? I am, after all, the king/president/CEO of this blog and since I don't have shareholders I can do whatever the hell I want right?! I'm pretty positive I can relate this to my life as a caretaker (not that I have to for above mentioned King reasons) and perhaps break some stigma about men doing what is normally seen as a woman's activity. So, what exactly have I begun? Yoga.
So why would I begin yoga? Well, I'll get to that. First off I should probably describe myself a little further. I'm 6'0" - 6'1" depending on the day, currently 280ish pounds, tattooed, bearded. I look like a lumberjack basically. Some day's people would probably swear that I'm simply making my yearly visit to town from my cabin in the woods. Not exactly the key demographic for those marketing their yoga business. However, what I did have was a serious interest in doing something that could help my recover from some previous injuries and perhaps learn how to calm and relieve myself from stress. And that, I believe is a key when deciding to learn this practice.
When I made the decision to do this I knew I didn't want to simply sign up for a class and try to learn with 15 or 20 other people. Since this is such a serious departure from anything I've ever done fitness wise, I wanted some one on one instruction so I could learn properly and if I had questions, get them answered immediately so I could apply the lessons. Originally I attempted to contact a local instructor but after weeks of attempting to arrange a time to meet without success, I decided to go in a new direction. Funny how things work out. My current instructor was recommended by a friend of the wife and I and it's worked out great! She's very knowledgeable and only goes as fast as I'm ready for. Sometimes this means we can breeze right through a lesson and other times we slow down and make it work for me. Since we're beginning from the ground up the first classes have had a lot of focus on proper breathing with only a couple of different poses. However, it hasn't taken long for me to learn that what seems like the most simple of movements, when done properly, can make your whole body work. The best example of this was the other day. She had me doing a pose that basically looked like I was standing still. However, because of the way she had be moving each muscle in about two minutes the sweat was starting to roll off my forehead. Pretty awesome.
Like I said, I'm only a couple of classes in so this is just the beginning. But I'm hooked. I already can't wait to get back to it this week. After the classes I feel better, more relaxed. This is not to say that I want to give up weight training in the future. On the contrary, one of my biggest motivations in doing yoga is to rebuild my body so I can return to pushing, pulling, and moving heavy pieces of iron. Even then though, I realize I want yoga to become a part of my life and Marilyn and I have been discussing getting her involved as well.
So where does all this come into play in my caretaking roll? First, the better I understand and am able to do the breathing techniques, the better I'll be able to relax and the better I'll be able to respond in high stress situations. Second, the healthier I am physically the better it is for the family as a whole. Having much of the responsibility for doing things that require me to use my body, if I'm broke down it puts us all in a bad situation. The better and more freely my body is able to move, the less likely I am to become injured and as a bonus because my nervous system won't be firing unnecessarily all the time in response to pain and discomfort, the more energy I'll have. I suppose I could continue talking about all the benefits to the body and how they relate to one another but damn that would take multiple posts and more research for medical terminology than I have time for. Basically becoming involved in yoga has the benefits you see and the ones you don't.
Sometimes it's necessary for all of us to step outside of comfort zone to learn or become involved in things that have potential benefit. For me exercise and fitness has generally revolved around weightlifting and running and I tended to not pay attention to stretching and such. It's come back to bite me in the ass now obviously. However, there are tools to fix this and to not take advantage because of some ridiculous belief that it will somehow make me less masculine or whatever BS, would be plain stupidity. I challenge everyone reading this to do one thing this week that you're interested in but have been holding off on for whatever reason. Perhaps you won't like it but perhaps, just perhaps, you'll find something that you thoroughly enjoy.
Sunday, February 23, 2014
Monday, February 10, 2014
Changing Times
Before I begin, if you don't like foul language, this weeks post may not be for you. However, if you like curse words used within the context of describing what are person's not good at and why; stick around cause I'm ready to lay some shit down for your benefit.
Becoming a caretaker, husband, and step-father all within two years has been quite the departure from single man hood. I went from a small two bedroom apartment in which I was surrounded by nothing but man things; i.e. pint glasses with beer manufactures printed on them, pictures of athletes on the walls, dishes enough for a couple of people, camo hanging in the closet next to my suits, to now living in a fully functional house complete with family pictures on the walls, a youth hockey schedule on the fridge next to graded papers, and whole range of glasses that have no alcohol affiliation on them. The four wheel drive pickup truck I drove everyday has been replaced with an SUV (still have the truck, just not the money to make the necessary repairs). And obviously the 'do what I want when I want' mentality has been replaced with, 'what's on the agenda today'. And you know what, I wouldn't go back to those other days in a second. I love my life. However, what I've found is that I'm much better at some things in this new life than others...
Like most people, I have my strengths and weaknesses. I'm not going to get into my strengths here because well, it's boring to listen to people talk about what they're good at. What's not boring, is to listen to someone talk about and describe what they suck at! Be honest with yourself, you know you've laughed when listening to someone going into detail about situations that were an absolute disaster. So what are my weaknesses in my new life. First off cleaning. I fucking suck at it. Most of the time the house looks like a god damn bomb went off. There is almost always dirty laundry stacked in front of the washing machine and clean laundry in baskets in the living and bedrooms. It's gotten to the point I've thought about doing the laundry nude just so I can know what it's like to have every piece of clothing in the house clean, folded, and put away. Well maybe I'll wear a tie if I ever do. I could feel a little more professional that way...But I digress. It's the same thing with the dishes. We have a relatively small kitchen and more than one occasion I've planned dinner around the fact there were simply too many dishes to do in order to cook a proper meal. Yes, I just said that. But when it's 6pm and you know it'll take you an hour to wash all the dishes because you're slower than molasses going up hill on a cold day doing them and the dishwasher works so well it takes two fucking hours to complete a cycle, other arrangements become kinda necessary. And yes, the idea of simply having the dog clean every plate for me has, in-fact, cross my mind on more than one occasion.
We live in an old style log cabin so everything is always covered in dust and spiderwebs. There's dog hair on the floor from the 80 lb Shepard running around, and a couple piles of shit that we don't want or need anymore in different corners of the house. Marilyn's pottery studio has moved from just being on the porch to taking up a large area of the hallway and area next to the kitchen. And clutter, holy fuck me running do we have clutter! It's like a clutter bomb went off in this sum bitch and every time I clean it up and reorganize something new takes it's place quickly after. I'm not even sure where have the shit comes from. I don't buy anything to speak of and yet, shit appears out of the blue. I swear sometimes ghosts are running around this place just dropping shit they find in other houses they're haunting just to mind fuck me. But these all pale in comparison to my true nemesis...the thing that drives me more insane than anything....COOKING!
I HATE, HATE, HATE COOKING!!. I hate cooking more than the New York Yankees. As an avid Red Sox fan that's saying something. The question, "what are we having for dinner" makes me want to insert ski poles into my ears and have someone take a damn hammer to each of them to insure they don't come back out. Of all the things I ever did to my mother growing up, uttering those words are the ones I'm most regretful for because I now understand how intensely insane the question can drive a person. How the holy hell my grandmother put up with my grandfather asking it for 50 years is beyond me. I praise the lord (well I would if I was religious) that she didn't kill him in a fit of insanity one afternoon after he asked it. It's not the fact that I'm a bad cook because I'm actually not, it's the act of cooking itself I don't like. Perhaps it's a patience thing. Just standing there waiting for things to get to the point where you remove, flip, ect. But there's something. Quite honestly, it's likely one of the reasons why I have trouble eating enough (apparently in order to lose weight it's recommend that you eat if you're an active person. I understand the basic principles but if you want more detail I'll leave you to google for that), I simply don't want to cook anymore than I have to. Now, before you get all freaked out, life is full of things that we must do that we don't enjoy, so yes I do cook and I cook mostly from scratch. There's a few nights here and there that pre-made food; chicken fingers, fries, ect, end up on the menu but it's not very often. I don't want that shit entering my body so I obviously don't want to feed it to my family for the most part either.
So there you have it. A 6'+ tall, 275 lb bearded male who prefers to be outdoors participating in sports and working with his hands doesn't enjoy doing housework everyday. Kind of shocking isn't it? Regardless, we do the best we can around here and make sure that the home is safe and everyone is well fed. I'm certainly no Martha Stewart or Mr. Belvedere but I suppose it could be worse. I look forward to winter being gone and being able to sit out on the porch with some steaks on the grill and a cold beer in my hand. That's some cooking I don't mind. Until that time however, I'll continue to plug away at projects that never end and wonder how the hell the woman in my life have done it all these years without putting me in the hospital or in the ground. My only guess, even if being a homemaker isn't my strong suit I must be good for something!
Becoming a caretaker, husband, and step-father all within two years has been quite the departure from single man hood. I went from a small two bedroom apartment in which I was surrounded by nothing but man things; i.e. pint glasses with beer manufactures printed on them, pictures of athletes on the walls, dishes enough for a couple of people, camo hanging in the closet next to my suits, to now living in a fully functional house complete with family pictures on the walls, a youth hockey schedule on the fridge next to graded papers, and whole range of glasses that have no alcohol affiliation on them. The four wheel drive pickup truck I drove everyday has been replaced with an SUV (still have the truck, just not the money to make the necessary repairs). And obviously the 'do what I want when I want' mentality has been replaced with, 'what's on the agenda today'. And you know what, I wouldn't go back to those other days in a second. I love my life. However, what I've found is that I'm much better at some things in this new life than others...
Like most people, I have my strengths and weaknesses. I'm not going to get into my strengths here because well, it's boring to listen to people talk about what they're good at. What's not boring, is to listen to someone talk about and describe what they suck at! Be honest with yourself, you know you've laughed when listening to someone going into detail about situations that were an absolute disaster. So what are my weaknesses in my new life. First off cleaning. I fucking suck at it. Most of the time the house looks like a god damn bomb went off. There is almost always dirty laundry stacked in front of the washing machine and clean laundry in baskets in the living and bedrooms. It's gotten to the point I've thought about doing the laundry nude just so I can know what it's like to have every piece of clothing in the house clean, folded, and put away. Well maybe I'll wear a tie if I ever do. I could feel a little more professional that way...But I digress. It's the same thing with the dishes. We have a relatively small kitchen and more than one occasion I've planned dinner around the fact there were simply too many dishes to do in order to cook a proper meal. Yes, I just said that. But when it's 6pm and you know it'll take you an hour to wash all the dishes because you're slower than molasses going up hill on a cold day doing them and the dishwasher works so well it takes two fucking hours to complete a cycle, other arrangements become kinda necessary. And yes, the idea of simply having the dog clean every plate for me has, in-fact, cross my mind on more than one occasion.
We live in an old style log cabin so everything is always covered in dust and spiderwebs. There's dog hair on the floor from the 80 lb Shepard running around, and a couple piles of shit that we don't want or need anymore in different corners of the house. Marilyn's pottery studio has moved from just being on the porch to taking up a large area of the hallway and area next to the kitchen. And clutter, holy fuck me running do we have clutter! It's like a clutter bomb went off in this sum bitch and every time I clean it up and reorganize something new takes it's place quickly after. I'm not even sure where have the shit comes from. I don't buy anything to speak of and yet, shit appears out of the blue. I swear sometimes ghosts are running around this place just dropping shit they find in other houses they're haunting just to mind fuck me. But these all pale in comparison to my true nemesis...the thing that drives me more insane than anything....COOKING!
I HATE, HATE, HATE COOKING!!. I hate cooking more than the New York Yankees. As an avid Red Sox fan that's saying something. The question, "what are we having for dinner" makes me want to insert ski poles into my ears and have someone take a damn hammer to each of them to insure they don't come back out. Of all the things I ever did to my mother growing up, uttering those words are the ones I'm most regretful for because I now understand how intensely insane the question can drive a person. How the holy hell my grandmother put up with my grandfather asking it for 50 years is beyond me. I praise the lord (well I would if I was religious) that she didn't kill him in a fit of insanity one afternoon after he asked it. It's not the fact that I'm a bad cook because I'm actually not, it's the act of cooking itself I don't like. Perhaps it's a patience thing. Just standing there waiting for things to get to the point where you remove, flip, ect. But there's something. Quite honestly, it's likely one of the reasons why I have trouble eating enough (apparently in order to lose weight it's recommend that you eat if you're an active person. I understand the basic principles but if you want more detail I'll leave you to google for that), I simply don't want to cook anymore than I have to. Now, before you get all freaked out, life is full of things that we must do that we don't enjoy, so yes I do cook and I cook mostly from scratch. There's a few nights here and there that pre-made food; chicken fingers, fries, ect, end up on the menu but it's not very often. I don't want that shit entering my body so I obviously don't want to feed it to my family for the most part either.
So there you have it. A 6'+ tall, 275 lb bearded male who prefers to be outdoors participating in sports and working with his hands doesn't enjoy doing housework everyday. Kind of shocking isn't it? Regardless, we do the best we can around here and make sure that the home is safe and everyone is well fed. I'm certainly no Martha Stewart or Mr. Belvedere but I suppose it could be worse. I look forward to winter being gone and being able to sit out on the porch with some steaks on the grill and a cold beer in my hand. That's some cooking I don't mind. Until that time however, I'll continue to plug away at projects that never end and wonder how the hell the woman in my life have done it all these years without putting me in the hospital or in the ground. My only guess, even if being a homemaker isn't my strong suit I must be good for something!
Monday, February 3, 2014
Fear
We all have fear though it could be different from person to person. I'm certainly no different. One of my biggest fears is being trapped under the ice. Given that I live in a cold climate and ice fishing and snowmobiling is a big part of the culture here it's not an entirely crazy fear to have either. I don't have the money to snowmobile but I am looking to get into ice fishing by next winter so it will be necessary for me to work on that fear at some point.
But that's not the fear I'm talking about. The fear I'm referring to in this post is something I don't talk about with my wife or anyone else. Something that may upset her when she reads it here because while I'm pretty sure she's aware it exists, I shut down the one time she attempted to discuss it with me. It's something I keep buried down into the deepest bowels of myself and it only comes out to play now and again, mostly so I can mentally prepare for it. The fear I'm talking about is the fear that whatever her medical problems are, if continued to go unsolved, could someday take her from me much faster than I want or am planning.
Her seizures only play a small part. I'm well aware that they have the potential to be catastrophic. I had a classmate pass away from a seizure in her sleep not long after we graduated. It's why I'm on my toes and don't sleep if the dog is alerting or I feel a change in her body chemistry indicating that a seizure may be coming along. Why I monitor her breathing after she's had one. Why, on nights when she's not feeling well and her breathing becomes shallow I monitor her for hours. Why, in the past, I've done subtle things that will create a response while she's sleeping just so I can make sure she's aware enough to move on her own.
So what do I do and how do I manage this fear? I push it down, I don't talk about it, and I only let it come out to play once in a while. I use to prepare and train myself. In those times I run through scenario after scenario of what ifs to be prepared in the event I have to jump into action. I use to as much as I can to be mentally and physically prepared.
I know I should probably talk about such things more, if not with my wife than with someone else but I won't. You're probably wondering why, which is certainly a valid question. So here's my thoughts on this. Fear can suck and it can wear you down and bring along a whole host of others problems. However, fear, if harnessed, can also be a benefit. Fear keeps you own your toes, makes you react quicker, and can make you work harder and pay more attention to your surroundings and whats taking place around you if you're prepared for it. That's how I see this fear. For me it's a trade off. As I mentioned above, it's not a constant just something that comes up from time to time and in those times I try to use it to make myself better and make my family safer. It's not fun, can be quite upsetting, and not something I'd ever want for other people but in our life I find it to be a necessity.
I'm not even sure why I chose to go with this topic this week. I guess it was because I had one of those 'pop up' late last week and it's on the brain. Like many thoughts, they come in the quite moments when you're all alone with nothing but your own brain to keep you company. I don't have PTSD and honestly I think this pales in comparison but it is something I deal with on a regular basis. I'm not sure if others in similar situations do as well but if that's the case I hope while reading they realize they're not alone and it's ok. It's ok to have fear, it's ok to be unsure of what you're feeling and why. It's ok to seek help and someone to talk to if you need it and it's ok to hold it close if you feel that's what's right. Regardless of the path you choose to take, you need to do what's right for you and what you feel is most beneficial but I would recommend keeping a close eye on yourself for signs that it has become too much. Remember, if you're unable to take care of yourself it's going to be hard to take care of your loved one.
But that's not the fear I'm talking about. The fear I'm referring to in this post is something I don't talk about with my wife or anyone else. Something that may upset her when she reads it here because while I'm pretty sure she's aware it exists, I shut down the one time she attempted to discuss it with me. It's something I keep buried down into the deepest bowels of myself and it only comes out to play now and again, mostly so I can mentally prepare for it. The fear I'm talking about is the fear that whatever her medical problems are, if continued to go unsolved, could someday take her from me much faster than I want or am planning.
Her seizures only play a small part. I'm well aware that they have the potential to be catastrophic. I had a classmate pass away from a seizure in her sleep not long after we graduated. It's why I'm on my toes and don't sleep if the dog is alerting or I feel a change in her body chemistry indicating that a seizure may be coming along. Why I monitor her breathing after she's had one. Why, on nights when she's not feeling well and her breathing becomes shallow I monitor her for hours. Why, in the past, I've done subtle things that will create a response while she's sleeping just so I can make sure she's aware enough to move on her own.
So what do I do and how do I manage this fear? I push it down, I don't talk about it, and I only let it come out to play once in a while. I use to prepare and train myself. In those times I run through scenario after scenario of what ifs to be prepared in the event I have to jump into action. I use to as much as I can to be mentally and physically prepared.
I know I should probably talk about such things more, if not with my wife than with someone else but I won't. You're probably wondering why, which is certainly a valid question. So here's my thoughts on this. Fear can suck and it can wear you down and bring along a whole host of others problems. However, fear, if harnessed, can also be a benefit. Fear keeps you own your toes, makes you react quicker, and can make you work harder and pay more attention to your surroundings and whats taking place around you if you're prepared for it. That's how I see this fear. For me it's a trade off. As I mentioned above, it's not a constant just something that comes up from time to time and in those times I try to use it to make myself better and make my family safer. It's not fun, can be quite upsetting, and not something I'd ever want for other people but in our life I find it to be a necessity.
I'm not even sure why I chose to go with this topic this week. I guess it was because I had one of those 'pop up' late last week and it's on the brain. Like many thoughts, they come in the quite moments when you're all alone with nothing but your own brain to keep you company. I don't have PTSD and honestly I think this pales in comparison but it is something I deal with on a regular basis. I'm not sure if others in similar situations do as well but if that's the case I hope while reading they realize they're not alone and it's ok. It's ok to have fear, it's ok to be unsure of what you're feeling and why. It's ok to seek help and someone to talk to if you need it and it's ok to hold it close if you feel that's what's right. Regardless of the path you choose to take, you need to do what's right for you and what you feel is most beneficial but I would recommend keeping a close eye on yourself for signs that it has become too much. Remember, if you're unable to take care of yourself it's going to be hard to take care of your loved one.
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Pushing Forward
It's funny how you can be doing or watching something and all of a sudden you realize that there's a hidden meaning in what you're witnessing. It happened to me this weekend. The message isn't what got me but rather the bearer of that message. Jimmy's Pee Wee hockey team.
On Saturday they played against what could be considered a rival team. Coming into the game they were 1-2 against this team including a pretty bad loss in a tourney championship game. Jimmy was pretty jacked going in to play them and thus far I've enjoyed watching their games because two out of the three had been very competitive. And the first two periods on Saturday were no different. It was back and forth, good plays being made my both teams and as they entered into the third period the score was tied 4-4. It was shaping up to be another memorable game with a great ending.
Beginning the third period Jimmy's team put another shot in the net and took the lead 5-4. It was after that the wheels came off. Only a minute of two later their competitors scored to tie it up. And then a minute later they scored again to go up 6-5. And then they scored again, and a again, and again, and again, closing out the game with 6 unanswered goals to take a 10-5 win. Momentum had swung and they fell into quick sand. No matter what they did it didn't work and as each goal went in you could see the kids body language change from competition to the realization they were going to lose the game.
On Sunday they had another game a fair distance away. On the ride Jimmy and I talked some about the game and I gave him my standard advice when asked what I wanted to see from him that day: Play hard, do your best, and listen to you coach. No "score a goal or get an assist" or "work on your shot or skating". Those are things for practice and will come with practice. Games are for showing what you've learned and applying them to the best of your ability and I impress that on him before every game. What I didn't know at that time is they would do that and more. They would present a life lesson if one were inclined to look for it.
Once the game began it was like they'd completely forgot about the day before and what had happened. They were all flying around the ice and making plays. Getting shots on goal an controlling the speed and flow of the game. At the end of the first period they were up 1-0. As the game wore on and they played the second period their confidence seemed to build and they put in a couple more goals. By the end of the game it didn't matter who was on the ice, they were skating hard and playing as well as they had all season and they finished the game with a 6-1 victory. It was an amazing transformation to watch from one day to another.
So where was the message in all this? On one day they couldn't seem to get anything to go right. No matter what they did it seemed to backfire on them. However, rather than simply giving up they continued to play the game and take their bumps and bruises. The kept working hard to try and change the outcome even though they could see it simply wasn't their day. But that work proved fruitful the next day. They put the previous day and game behind them and began fresh. They were able to apply the lessons from the previous day and translate those lessons into a good, solid win. This is something we can all learn from. We all have bad days, days that it seems nothing will go right. Sometimes those days turn into a string of days or even weeks or months. What's important in those times is to continue to work and improve and take the lessons learned and apply them. I know when I have frustrating times I can forget this lesson and it took a group of great kids playing a hockey game to remind me.
In life, like it a sports game, bad things are going to happen and sometimes it's going to feel like everything is against you. It's up to you to continue to push forward, learn, and make the changes necessary to accomplish your specific goals. It's also necessary in life, like in a team sport to rely on those around you instead of trying to do it all yourself. Ask questions and listen to your coach and mentors, lean on your teammates or friends and family to help you get through when you're not performing your best, set a specific goal and work towards it. And above it all, never give up or give in. Keep fighting and pushing through each and every day with a goal of being a little better today than you were the day before. Yes, I was reminded of an important lesson. And it was a lesson taught by a bunch of kids doing something they love. Let us all remember those lessons when we're doing the simplest thing of all. Living.
Thursday, January 23, 2014
Starting from Scratch
No lie, the end of last week sucked. But before I begin, I'll step back a bit and give you the history to help you better understand how I got there to begin with. Back a couple of years ago I pulled/injured my hip flexor pretty seriously. Honestly, knowing what I know now it was a long time coming. I had lifted weights, very heavy weights, for years with improper form and it threw off the balance of muscles in my body. Basically the front half of my body is extremely over developed compared to the back. So it could be taken as no great surprise that once I corrected my form I was hit with an injury. At the time it occurred I was squating and felt it happen at the bottom of the movement. Since there was no one else in the gym at the time I couldn't stop and had to push the weight back to the top of the movement which no doubt didn't help. I missed 5 days of work and walked favoring one side for quite awhile.
Fast forward to last winter when I re-injured it, not to the same extent but enough to put me on the couch for a few days. A couple months of letting it heal and then I was doing the Rush Fit home workout program. I felt great after completing the 80 days in the spring! Much of my pain was gone and I wasn't having the same amount of days of soreness. Unfortunately I fell of track and for the past few months had only been doing it periodically. After Christmas I decided to get back into it, along with adding some additional stretching in an effort to begin rebuilding my body. And that brings us to Friday.
Friday was day 3 of week 3 of Rush Fit. Jimmy had a hockey game that night so that afternoon before he arrived home from school I planned to knockout my workout, shower, do a couple quick chores, and then we'd be on our way. However, as I was nearing completion of the dvd, I went down into an air squat and felt the familiar pain of the muscle in my hip pull. Immediately the frustration set in of knowing that I was done with my workouts for an undetermined amount of time.
Unfortunately, my night was not over. Jimmy still had a hockey game that evening which meant 3 hours of driving (round trip time) and roughly an hour and a half of standing. If you've ever had that injury, the only thing you want to do is lay down with ice on your lower back/hip/butt area and I knew before we set out it was going to be a very uncomfortable evening. I wasn't wrong. By the time we got home (from a great game no less and a big win) I hurt. All I wanted was to lay on the couch with some ice. Thankfully, the next day Jimmy's coach agreed to take Jimmy with him for the two games (it was a tournament weekend). However, it still required me to spend roughly an hour on the road to get him to the pick up spot and even that short amount of time was extremely uncomfortable. I am thankful for Coach taking him on Saturday though. It allowed me the rest of the day to lay on the couch and rest, which is key for the healing process.
The next couple days were spent rocking R.I.C.E. (Rest. Ice. Compression. Elevation.) I've also been in contact with Maralyn's sister who's a massage therapist as well as a local yoga instructor. After discussions with the wife, I'm taking a whole new approach. Yes, you read that correctly, my big, hairy, redneck looking body is going to begin yoga. For everyone's sake I'm forgoing the pants associated with the practice however. I feel as though I'm going to be starting my health from scratch. It's ok I guess. I feel like I don't have much of an option at this point. What I've been doing isn't working and I'll be damned if I'm willing to give up my health because I'm being stubborn (as my wife will tell you I do that enough by refusing to go to the Dr. for various ailments).
In all honesty, I miss lifting. I enjoy it, it's a great physical release, and I have friends who are into it as well. Not to mention one of the reason's I'm so anxious to move is so I can get back to the trainer and gym I was a member of before my initial injury. However, after this past weekend it's become clear that before I can begin doing it again, reforming and reshaping my body is a necessity. Not only a necessity for myself, but for my family as well. Me being down puts everyone in the house out. Marylyn has to step in and do more which can put her at risk for seizures and falls, Jimmy has to sacrifice time with both of us, and it puts me in the awkward position of needing to postpone healing into order to keep up daily tasks. It's a no win situation for anyone.
Moving forward, I'm hoping my hip injury days are over with. I expect I'm going to be uncomfortable once I begin my new workout program but that's ok. I've done a little yoga and understand how different it is from traditional lifting. What I have yet to experience is the difference it can make and that's pretty exciting. It's going to be a long road I suspect to get back to where I want and need to be but thankfully I feel as though I have a map that will help me get to my final destination while avoiding the pitfalls.
Fast forward to last winter when I re-injured it, not to the same extent but enough to put me on the couch for a few days. A couple months of letting it heal and then I was doing the Rush Fit home workout program. I felt great after completing the 80 days in the spring! Much of my pain was gone and I wasn't having the same amount of days of soreness. Unfortunately I fell of track and for the past few months had only been doing it periodically. After Christmas I decided to get back into it, along with adding some additional stretching in an effort to begin rebuilding my body. And that brings us to Friday.
Friday was day 3 of week 3 of Rush Fit. Jimmy had a hockey game that night so that afternoon before he arrived home from school I planned to knockout my workout, shower, do a couple quick chores, and then we'd be on our way. However, as I was nearing completion of the dvd, I went down into an air squat and felt the familiar pain of the muscle in my hip pull. Immediately the frustration set in of knowing that I was done with my workouts for an undetermined amount of time.
Unfortunately, my night was not over. Jimmy still had a hockey game that evening which meant 3 hours of driving (round trip time) and roughly an hour and a half of standing. If you've ever had that injury, the only thing you want to do is lay down with ice on your lower back/hip/butt area and I knew before we set out it was going to be a very uncomfortable evening. I wasn't wrong. By the time we got home (from a great game no less and a big win) I hurt. All I wanted was to lay on the couch with some ice. Thankfully, the next day Jimmy's coach agreed to take Jimmy with him for the two games (it was a tournament weekend). However, it still required me to spend roughly an hour on the road to get him to the pick up spot and even that short amount of time was extremely uncomfortable. I am thankful for Coach taking him on Saturday though. It allowed me the rest of the day to lay on the couch and rest, which is key for the healing process.
The next couple days were spent rocking R.I.C.E. (Rest. Ice. Compression. Elevation.) I've also been in contact with Maralyn's sister who's a massage therapist as well as a local yoga instructor. After discussions with the wife, I'm taking a whole new approach. Yes, you read that correctly, my big, hairy, redneck looking body is going to begin yoga. For everyone's sake I'm forgoing the pants associated with the practice however. I feel as though I'm going to be starting my health from scratch. It's ok I guess. I feel like I don't have much of an option at this point. What I've been doing isn't working and I'll be damned if I'm willing to give up my health because I'm being stubborn (as my wife will tell you I do that enough by refusing to go to the Dr. for various ailments).
In all honesty, I miss lifting. I enjoy it, it's a great physical release, and I have friends who are into it as well. Not to mention one of the reason's I'm so anxious to move is so I can get back to the trainer and gym I was a member of before my initial injury. However, after this past weekend it's become clear that before I can begin doing it again, reforming and reshaping my body is a necessity. Not only a necessity for myself, but for my family as well. Me being down puts everyone in the house out. Marylyn has to step in and do more which can put her at risk for seizures and falls, Jimmy has to sacrifice time with both of us, and it puts me in the awkward position of needing to postpone healing into order to keep up daily tasks. It's a no win situation for anyone.
Moving forward, I'm hoping my hip injury days are over with. I expect I'm going to be uncomfortable once I begin my new workout program but that's ok. I've done a little yoga and understand how different it is from traditional lifting. What I have yet to experience is the difference it can make and that's pretty exciting. It's going to be a long road I suspect to get back to where I want and need to be but thankfully I feel as though I have a map that will help me get to my final destination while avoiding the pitfalls.
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
Day's In The Life
I don't know if it's a question so much but it seems as though people are curious about what I do on a daily basis. While it's true, especially in the winter, that I'm not always running around crazy busy, I tend to approach many of my days like a job with a list of tasks to complete. The truth is though, my days are always different and can change on a moments notice, literally.
I do standard things that most husbands do. I get up and and make sure Jimmy is awake before making coffee for myself so I can function enough to either help him get ready for school or ask the necessary questions about if he has his homework in his bag, any papers, ect, like I suspect most other parents of a 6th grader do. I drive him down to meet the bus on days when the weather's nasty (it's about a quarter of a mile from the house to the pickup area) which will become virtually everyday once winter sets in here. I work on the house and the cars when needed. I mow, take care of the landscaping, plant the gardens, bring in the firewood in the winter; cut, split, and stack the firewood in the summer; run to the post office to mail out the pottery pieces people have purchased from her, and pretty much anything else you can think of when you think of the husband's role in a marriage.
Together with those I also do the majority of the cooking, the dishes, much of the cleaning and laundry (though Jimmy is beginning to help out more with each of these and Marilyn helps out as much as she can.) One of the hard things with Marilyn, however, is that if she pushes herself to do much on a given day it actually makes things much harder for a day or two after. When she gets worn out, she's done and it takes days not minute or hours to recover. I see on her face the struggle that she has wanting to help when she can but realizing that she needs to guard against pushing herself to much.
Marilyn can't drive so many things are scheduled and arranged around that. The main VA clinic in the state is 5-6 hours away so that hour long Dr.s appointment is an all day event. If she's not feeling well a two day trip becomes necessary and we stop at my family's house overnight to take a break and let her relax. What we attempt to do it schedule other things while we're down that way so it's not such a long trip with minimal results but that's not always possible. Even if the appointment can be done at our 'local' VA clinic, local is a very relative term considering it's still 60 miles away. Again, we try to arrange other errands around the trip to make good use of our time, but she can only be on the go for so long before she becomes exhausted and we need to get back. Basically a standard, local appointment including driving and time spent in the doctors office is roughly 4-6 hours give or take.
Also, because she can't drive all of it falls to me. I do the grocery and other shopping, take Jimmy to hockey practice and games (some of which are up to two hours away), take them both to all appointments, go to the post office when needed, and whatever tasks most people do. She does come with me sometimes for grocery shopping duty but we've both decided that the task is much easier accomplished when I take care of it myself. Not to mention, I think she dislikes doing it as much as I do and it's an easy way for her to get out of it. HA!
If she's had a bad day or night with pain or has had a seizure I change modes and go into medical professional mode (medical professional? Yeah, it's the best descriptor I can come up with right now). After care for a seizure breaks down something like this: If she feels in coming on ahead of time or the dog alerts we get her to a safe place, preferably seated or lying down. Once the seizure begins I monitor her, wait for the convulsions to subside and then sit with her rubbing her cheek and saying her name until she opens her eyes and acknowledges who I am. Postictal (unconscious) time can range anywhere from a minute to upwards of 5 on occasion. After that it's sleepy time for her for anywhere between 4 and 12 hours. Usually I remain awake throughout that time and check on her periodically as from time to time her breathing can become very shallow. The dog generally hangs out on the bed as well as her protector. Once she awakens there in generally a day or two where her mind is very foggy and she's run down and requires a lot of rest. She's also had times where her speech is pretty severely affected. When this happens the only way I can describe it is that she speaks like a stroke victim. It's very clunky, like she's trying to say the words but her body won't allow it. During the time I've known her this has happened a couple times though her speech is somewhat slowed after nearly every seizure. It once lasted three days and another time about a week. Apparently before we got together it happened for a much longer period after one particurally bad seizure and the speech issue lasted for a couple months.
My job after seizures is very similar what I do on days where the pain in her legs gets up to about a 7 or 8 to a 10. These days either require use of both crutches or her wheelchair. Often she requires help with various stages of dressing herself, standing up, getting out of bed, and manouvering in and out of the shower during these times. I spend a lot of time running during these times as well. Preparing and bringing in food, moving things around, and getting her whatever she requires. Those days are the most physically and mentally exhausting. It hard to watch someone you care about in an assload of pain. It's hard on them as well knowing that it's hard on you. Thankfully, I'm a big guy. At least, that's what I tell my wife.
It's can be hard to explain to those who've never done it or had someone close to them who's been a caretaker. When I first entered into this I thought it would be easy and looked at others who'd done it and didn't understand the time involved and the stress it could bring about so it's easy for me to understand the questions people may have. Sometimes it feels like I'm busy when I'm not really busy. Something it took awhile to understand is that it can take awhile to figure out a routine. I don't mean a day to day routine because that can change at a moments notice. But routines for getting things done. We're still playing with some things to find what works and doesn't but it's coming together slowly and as it does things become much easier.
So that's a very basic breakdown. To get into anything and everything that could happen in a day or week would require be to basically write a book and if you're anything like me, you'd lose interest pretty quickly reading about the duldrums that come with every day life. In many ways our life isn't all the much different than many other's I suspect and certainly much better than other families with a disability in the home. We try not to focus on the negative and are constantly challenging ourselves to be better. It's not always sunny, but we have lights that enable us to see the good things every day in life.
I do standard things that most husbands do. I get up and and make sure Jimmy is awake before making coffee for myself so I can function enough to either help him get ready for school or ask the necessary questions about if he has his homework in his bag, any papers, ect, like I suspect most other parents of a 6th grader do. I drive him down to meet the bus on days when the weather's nasty (it's about a quarter of a mile from the house to the pickup area) which will become virtually everyday once winter sets in here. I work on the house and the cars when needed. I mow, take care of the landscaping, plant the gardens, bring in the firewood in the winter; cut, split, and stack the firewood in the summer; run to the post office to mail out the pottery pieces people have purchased from her, and pretty much anything else you can think of when you think of the husband's role in a marriage.
Together with those I also do the majority of the cooking, the dishes, much of the cleaning and laundry (though Jimmy is beginning to help out more with each of these and Marilyn helps out as much as she can.) One of the hard things with Marilyn, however, is that if she pushes herself to do much on a given day it actually makes things much harder for a day or two after. When she gets worn out, she's done and it takes days not minute or hours to recover. I see on her face the struggle that she has wanting to help when she can but realizing that she needs to guard against pushing herself to much.
Marilyn can't drive so many things are scheduled and arranged around that. The main VA clinic in the state is 5-6 hours away so that hour long Dr.s appointment is an all day event. If she's not feeling well a two day trip becomes necessary and we stop at my family's house overnight to take a break and let her relax. What we attempt to do it schedule other things while we're down that way so it's not such a long trip with minimal results but that's not always possible. Even if the appointment can be done at our 'local' VA clinic, local is a very relative term considering it's still 60 miles away. Again, we try to arrange other errands around the trip to make good use of our time, but she can only be on the go for so long before she becomes exhausted and we need to get back. Basically a standard, local appointment including driving and time spent in the doctors office is roughly 4-6 hours give or take.
Also, because she can't drive all of it falls to me. I do the grocery and other shopping, take Jimmy to hockey practice and games (some of which are up to two hours away), take them both to all appointments, go to the post office when needed, and whatever tasks most people do. She does come with me sometimes for grocery shopping duty but we've both decided that the task is much easier accomplished when I take care of it myself. Not to mention, I think she dislikes doing it as much as I do and it's an easy way for her to get out of it. HA!
If she's had a bad day or night with pain or has had a seizure I change modes and go into medical professional mode (medical professional? Yeah, it's the best descriptor I can come up with right now). After care for a seizure breaks down something like this: If she feels in coming on ahead of time or the dog alerts we get her to a safe place, preferably seated or lying down. Once the seizure begins I monitor her, wait for the convulsions to subside and then sit with her rubbing her cheek and saying her name until she opens her eyes and acknowledges who I am. Postictal (unconscious) time can range anywhere from a minute to upwards of 5 on occasion. After that it's sleepy time for her for anywhere between 4 and 12 hours. Usually I remain awake throughout that time and check on her periodically as from time to time her breathing can become very shallow. The dog generally hangs out on the bed as well as her protector. Once she awakens there in generally a day or two where her mind is very foggy and she's run down and requires a lot of rest. She's also had times where her speech is pretty severely affected. When this happens the only way I can describe it is that she speaks like a stroke victim. It's very clunky, like she's trying to say the words but her body won't allow it. During the time I've known her this has happened a couple times though her speech is somewhat slowed after nearly every seizure. It once lasted three days and another time about a week. Apparently before we got together it happened for a much longer period after one particurally bad seizure and the speech issue lasted for a couple months.
My job after seizures is very similar what I do on days where the pain in her legs gets up to about a 7 or 8 to a 10. These days either require use of both crutches or her wheelchair. Often she requires help with various stages of dressing herself, standing up, getting out of bed, and manouvering in and out of the shower during these times. I spend a lot of time running during these times as well. Preparing and bringing in food, moving things around, and getting her whatever she requires. Those days are the most physically and mentally exhausting. It hard to watch someone you care about in an assload of pain. It's hard on them as well knowing that it's hard on you. Thankfully, I'm a big guy. At least, that's what I tell my wife.
It's can be hard to explain to those who've never done it or had someone close to them who's been a caretaker. When I first entered into this I thought it would be easy and looked at others who'd done it and didn't understand the time involved and the stress it could bring about so it's easy for me to understand the questions people may have. Sometimes it feels like I'm busy when I'm not really busy. Something it took awhile to understand is that it can take awhile to figure out a routine. I don't mean a day to day routine because that can change at a moments notice. But routines for getting things done. We're still playing with some things to find what works and doesn't but it's coming together slowly and as it does things become much easier.
So that's a very basic breakdown. To get into anything and everything that could happen in a day or week would require be to basically write a book and if you're anything like me, you'd lose interest pretty quickly reading about the duldrums that come with every day life. In many ways our life isn't all the much different than many other's I suspect and certainly much better than other families with a disability in the home. We try not to focus on the negative and are constantly challenging ourselves to be better. It's not always sunny, but we have lights that enable us to see the good things every day in life.
Monday, January 6, 2014
Crazy Winter Beginning
Winter for us is a rather strange time of year. Like everyone else we've been blasted by the crazy weather we've had this year. It turned our normal 3 and a half hour trip home to an 8 hour ordeal due to an ice storm that hammered the southern part of Maine a couple days before Christmas. To top it off, my family was among the thousands who didn't have power for days (5 in our case). Because we're a hardy bunch we still had a wonderful Christmas with meals cooked on and in my grandparents cook stove and spent a lot of time talking with no tv in the background with I can't complain about. It was an old fashion Christmas and it was pretty awesome in a lot of ways.
Both before and after the trip home for the holidays we've been dealing with some serious cold temperatures. From what I've read it was the coldest and snowiest December in 5 years where we are and has been described to me by locals as the definition of an "Old Fashion" winter. I wouldn't mind it so much but it certainly alters our particular lifestyle. Because of the way this house is set up, it's an extreme pain in the ass to keep warm during those cold spells. There is a soap stone wood stove in the living room which does a great job keeping that end of the house warm. However, because of it's location almost none of the heat makes it's way to the other end of the house. Another issue with it is that the living room was an add on by the previous owner and was stick built and insulated properly while the other end of the house was a very roughly built log home. I spent a good deal of time this summer re-chinking it (what the sealant in a log home is called) but didn't get it completely finished. (We didn't have the funds to rent a lift this year and working at the top of a 25 ft ladder was a no go). It's mostly done and has made a huge difference but there's obviously some heat loss. At the log end of the home there was also a porch that was added on but the geniuses who built it negated to insulate the damn thing. The porch is also open to the who house so it's not possible to simply close it down for the winter months. Intelligent move in this climate.
So we have the wood stove in the well insulated end of the home and at the other end a propane fireplace/stove thing that may work in a small room but not in such a large area. In the addition (which is now the wife's pottery studio) there's a pellet stove as well. On the really cold nights we also need to run an electric heater in the basement to insure the pipes don't freeze. So what does it mean for us? It means we run the house in shifts. One of us is up during the day and the other stays up all night to tend the stove and make sure all is well with the electric heater. This is obviously hell on all of us. Since I take Jimmy to hockey games and such Marilyn has been doing the majority of the night shifts though I've done a few here and there when she's had a rough day (or night for that matter). It's a very interesting way to live to say the least.
Though it's a pain in the ass to live this way, I have certainly had the opportunity to educate myself on different things home heating related! I done a lot of things I'd never done much of; insulating a floor, hanging plastic over exterior windows, banking the house with snow, chinking (which by the way I don't ever want to F***king do again!), cleaning chimneys and fixing and cleaning pellet stove. Yes, it's been a couple years of education regarding homes and extreme weather. Lesson's I'm going to be very happy to apply to my own home further south as soon as possible!. :)
Both before and after the trip home for the holidays we've been dealing with some serious cold temperatures. From what I've read it was the coldest and snowiest December in 5 years where we are and has been described to me by locals as the definition of an "Old Fashion" winter. I wouldn't mind it so much but it certainly alters our particular lifestyle. Because of the way this house is set up, it's an extreme pain in the ass to keep warm during those cold spells. There is a soap stone wood stove in the living room which does a great job keeping that end of the house warm. However, because of it's location almost none of the heat makes it's way to the other end of the house. Another issue with it is that the living room was an add on by the previous owner and was stick built and insulated properly while the other end of the house was a very roughly built log home. I spent a good deal of time this summer re-chinking it (what the sealant in a log home is called) but didn't get it completely finished. (We didn't have the funds to rent a lift this year and working at the top of a 25 ft ladder was a no go). It's mostly done and has made a huge difference but there's obviously some heat loss. At the log end of the home there was also a porch that was added on but the geniuses who built it negated to insulate the damn thing. The porch is also open to the who house so it's not possible to simply close it down for the winter months. Intelligent move in this climate.
So we have the wood stove in the well insulated end of the home and at the other end a propane fireplace/stove thing that may work in a small room but not in such a large area. In the addition (which is now the wife's pottery studio) there's a pellet stove as well. On the really cold nights we also need to run an electric heater in the basement to insure the pipes don't freeze. So what does it mean for us? It means we run the house in shifts. One of us is up during the day and the other stays up all night to tend the stove and make sure all is well with the electric heater. This is obviously hell on all of us. Since I take Jimmy to hockey games and such Marilyn has been doing the majority of the night shifts though I've done a few here and there when she's had a rough day (or night for that matter). It's a very interesting way to live to say the least.
Though it's a pain in the ass to live this way, I have certainly had the opportunity to educate myself on different things home heating related! I done a lot of things I'd never done much of; insulating a floor, hanging plastic over exterior windows, banking the house with snow, chinking (which by the way I don't ever want to F***king do again!), cleaning chimneys and fixing and cleaning pellet stove. Yes, it's been a couple years of education regarding homes and extreme weather. Lesson's I'm going to be very happy to apply to my own home further south as soon as possible!. :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)