Tears

I mentioned last week that I have a propensity to cry, especially over emotional situations. Rarely for physical injury, almost always due to emotions. 

To illustrate this, a couple years ago when cutting firewood I stabbed my self with a pulp hook in the shin. Not that it matters but it can happen when hurrying and not paying proper attention. It hurt bad enough that I went to the ER to make sure I didn't have a fracture; after I finished the load of wood I was working on. No tears, just annoyance combined with a hole in the shape of the end of the hook.

Compare that to me watching some movies and tv shows. And not just sad scenes, but triumphant ones. Yes, sometimes I get tears watching GOOD things. It's like my emotions overload and there's not a damn thing I can do about it.

What's interesting is that while it was never quite to this level before my accident in 2016, emotional tears have been a thing for me for a long time. And knowing what I know now, I think it was because of my first accident that happened way back before I was even school age. Back then I fell off a couch onto a heating register, head first, full weight. It's actually a wonder I didn't injure my neck given where I hit. I then followed that up years later when another fall, this time in a clawfoot cast iron tub. In that case I came directly down on my chin, causing a whiplash effect . These were both before bike accident's without helmet's (80's kid) and years of football would add to my trauma. 

The reason I mention the initial accident as a child is because of something my mother would say years later to my step-father while I was getting scolded for crying. She told him that when I was little, I never cried and my tears as I got older were just making up for that. Now, some of that of course is just a mother trying to protect her child. But, it's also not out of the realm of possibility and dare I say, even likely, that I had a change in emotional function following that first injury. I literally landed full weight, on my head, on top of a heating register at somewhere between 3-4 years old. The scar from the stitches is still visible when I shave my head and it's actually a common trait that emotional responses and personality traits change post brain injury (comedian Sam Kinison is an example).

And that brings us to today. Emotional crying has nearly always been a thing but after my accident in 2016 it's escalated. As I mentioned in the beginning, even watching a movie with a triumphant ending can elicit tears. Sad endings now seem to be a given. The Avengers: Endgame is an example of that. When Ironman sacrifices himself (spoiler alter though if you haven't seen it yet, no sympathy), yep, tears. Right there in public in the theater. No choice. Tried to hold them back but to no avail. Hell, watching Miracle the last time, when they beat the Russians and Kirk Russel as Herb Brooks was in disbelief at doing something so momentous, tears. Not necessarily crying but I was misty.

This has all come to the forefront this week as we set up for Christmas because a year ago at this time we found out that our Shepard, Kane, was dying of cancer (he crossed the rainbow bridge January 9th of 2020). Placing his ornament on the tree and hanging his stocking brought out, you guessed it, tears. Now it's not unusual of course to cry over the loss of a beloved pet, but for me, I feel like my emotional response to him passing and still today was overly strong. I question it enough that I'm actually wondering if I have what's referred to as Pseudobulbar affect, a disorder that causes laughing and/or crying uncontrollably or at questionable times. It's certainly something I plan to ask about at my next neuro appointment.

So, why do I write this? I write it because it's embarrassing if I'm being honest and it always has been. I'm a big dude. I'm a beard wearing, weight lifting, gun shooting, deer hunting, woodcutting, car fixing red blooded male. While definitions of the sexes have and continue to change, my definition of masculinity includes such things. 

It does not, however, include crying at the movies. 

And I know I'm damn sure not alone on that one. Knowing this, I could also see how such a scenario could have not just a drastic effect on someone, but potentially a fatal one. 

So I share. 

I share my embarrassment. Because by doing so it:

1. Removes the possibility it can be used against me. It's hard to weaponize an admitted embarrassment. 
2. Because someone else out there may be fighting a similar battle and by saying it out loud and admitting it, it'll perhaps allow them to do the same. 

It's embarrassing, it also just is. The only way to control it is to avoid. 

🠊Avoid going to the movies. 

🠊Avoid watching a tv show or movie with your family because you don't want to explain why you're crying. 

🠊Avoid not just bad feelings, but good ones as well because you're scared of embarrassing yourself in front of others. 

Avoiding life for fear of of presenting an uncontrollable act is no way to live. I've done it and frankly, it's exhausting. If you're reading this and you deal with it, you understand. If you're reading this and don't deal with it but do have issues that present physically beyond your control, you get it too. 

It sucks but let me tell you, even just writing this is cathartic. Knowing that someone may read it and feel better about themselves, feels great. Acknowledging that my issue is not just mine but others out there will understand provides acceptance.

And revealing such a personal trait to the world that can either be accepted or potentially used against me is empowering because it's beyond my control how this is received by others. 

I can only control how I handle myself. 

And that makes me happy. Maybe even happy enough to cry.  

 

Shame

One of the weird side effects that is not often discussed is the shame that comes with injury or chronic illness. Not just with a TBI, but with any injury or illness. You feel shame for being such. Some of it real, some of it imagined, but it's still there often, if not all the time. 

It's the shame of not being a normal part of society (even though I'm unsure there is a "normal" part of society). For some it's the shame of not being able to work. Or being able to physically pleasure your significant other. Or the shame of only being able to contribute minimally to ones household. Or being a younger person who needs to make use of a scooter in a grocery store or a handicapped plate or placard. There's potential shame everywhere, with every action and inaction. 

There's immense shame involved in the world around us and I haven't even gotten into what takes place on social media, which is it's own mind field that SEEMS to mostly involve two parties; those who use it to complain and try to game the system and those who attempt to shame everyone with disabilities as though they're the first. It's very much like online political discussions in that way. The loudest get the attention while those in the middle seeking the nuance and truth are drowned out.

But it's also not the reality. Most people who're injured or ill simply want to live life. And they want to do it without the shame. I'm in that boat. As a matter of fact so is Shawna with her illness. But still, interestingly enough, we've rarely discussed the shame we feel and even when it's been done, it's mostly in passing. In-fact, she didn't know I was writing this post. And honestly, I didn't even make the connection that we hadn't really discussed it until now, as the words flowed form my finger tips. 

I feel shame due to my injury often. As a man, it's difficult to be in a position where naps are often needed daily. Where I've gone through multiple jobs and am not currently the bread winner. Where I cry, at times near uncontrollably, due to an emotional situation. There are things that fall within my own definition of masculinity that I simply cannot adhere too. And that breeds a shame that's incredibly hard to reconcile mentally. 

There is seemingly shame everywhere. Of course, it's more prevalent if you're looking for it but it's also one of those things in life that has the ability to creep into the psyche out of nowhere and can be crippling when unprepared. 

So how do we navigate it?

First, we admit that it exists. Just like any problem, not acknowledging it isn't just unhelpful, it actively hinders. So, the shame exists. And now that we admit that we can move onto the next step:

Identify the who, what, when, where, and how. 

This part of the process will take time; significant time in-fact. Many increasingly personal questions, and the necessity to bore into parts of emotional and mental state than is comfortable for most. For many, if not the majority, having a counselor help with this will be greatly beneficial and cut down on the time it takes to run through the process considerably. 

Third, we work to understand that everyone is going through something and the concept of normal is more abstract idea than specific reality.

When we take this to heart it's much easier to reduce our own shame because we acknowledge that everyone struggles with something. That our struggles are different but not necessarily any better or worse than those of others. That we can learn from one another and adapt those lessons to fit what we need. And as we do, the shame of our own limitation(s) will begin to reduce.

We recognize and understand that social media is not real life. 

This is a huge one. People use social media like a highlight real. I'm guilty of it at times and I actively try not to be. In consuming such, we begin to believe that others live grandiose and perfect lives that never involve struggle and strife. But the reality is, it's simply not the case. Some don't post their negatives because they're chasing likes while some only post negative for the same reason. Some don't post struggle because they're trying to be overly positive. And still others don't post struggles because they fear, you guessed it, shame. No one wants to be shamed, never mind publicly and to open oneself up to such is incredibly stressful.

Shame is an emotion most will feel at some point and others will feel often. We have the ability to navigate and work both with and around it but it must be acknowledge and made real. My shames are mine and yours are yours but by discussing them, by writing about them, we have the ability to let others know they're not alone. And when we're not alone, we have more strength, more ability, to tell ourselves that it's OK to be have pieces of ourselves that are broken. That just because we sometimes need some duct tape and tie wraps to hold ourselves together it doesn't mean that we're not whole. 

Because if you're alive and you're progressing forward, through the pain, through the discomfort, through the mental mind field that is injury and illness, you're not shame; You're Admiration.   

TBI Journey

 If nothing else, TBI is certainly a journey. Many use the comparison of a roller coaster because of how many ups and downs are inherent but I don't think that's quite accurate. With a roller coaster the ups and downs are quick and intense. While that can apply, TBI and it's associated recovery is not quick. Intense at times, yes. But rarely quick. For most the only thing quick was whatever lead to the injury itself. Whether sports injury, accident, stroke, burst aneurysm; we're never prepared for when it comes and then, it's just part of our life. 

Just. Like. That.

So what would I compare TBI to if not a roller coaster? Parenting comes to mind. It also has moments of intensity. Sometimes that intensity is good, sometimes not so much. It has many ebbs and flows and like TBI recovery, is for life. There is no real end until the real end comes. It's a constant learning and applying process with changes and education often coming after mistakes have already been made. Books, studies, and opinions are often read and applied in a variety of ways and every so often the shit will hit the fan. Yes, parenting and TBI have much in common.

Learning, adapting, emotional breakdowns, wondering how to correct and fix, these are daily feelings of each. They also escalate at times depending on the day and situation. There is also no area in life that isn't impacted by each. Work, rest, financial habits, down time, nutrition habits, all affected. 

But there's also the good. Yes, there can be and often is good, that comes with receiving a traumatic brain injury as weird as that may sound. 

Many people report becoming more connected to life. They understand it's value much more and tend to take it less for granted. 

An increase in empathy is often mentioned as well. Not just for other's who had a similar injury, but for anyone who's had trials and tribulations. Being injured, especially if it's invisible gives some insight into the behaviors of others we may not have paid attention to, or experienced, prior. 

The ability and desire to help others. Many in the TBI community use their experiences and the researched they'd done to aid their own recovery with others. And that pushes research and knowledge of the subject further. The reality is TBI is likely to always be a problem because we now understand just how sensitive our brains are to outside influences and with knowledge of how our brains work still in it's infancy, the more data and the more experiences available for study, the better not just for individuals but for humanity as a whole going forward. 

Whether it's parenting, TBI, or frankly, life, the journey is where our focus is best served. There will be struggle day to day, week to week, even year to year at times but by focusing on the journey, by journaling our experiences, by trying and failing, we can continue to grow and improve. 

Just like we teach out children to do.  

 

Advancements

One of the marvels of life is the knowledge that you don't know what you don't know, until you know.

And you won't realize that truth until you're old enough to not just experience life, but to make mistakes.

If you read last weeks post, you know, that I truly didn't know how off my brain has been.  Not just since COVID, but for the past few years.  While COVID and its subsequent response has been an incredible strain and has had considerable negative impacts and consequences for many, for me, it's created a time to heal unlike any I've known since my injury in 2016.  Sure, I've taken some down time prior but because I didn't know what I know now, the results were not nearly what they've been the past 8 weeks.

So what happened recently that opened my eyes?  I simply had a moment of realization regarding how much clearer my thoughts have become.  How I've been able to process normally for longer duration's.  How my attitude is beginning to change a bit and I don't feel as anxious, fatigued, and overwhelmed, even though I still have much going on in life.  As a matter of fact, I probably have more going on now than I did a couple months ago.  More projects for sure, more opportunities, more requirements and yet, I don't feel the same neurological fatigue that have plagued me the past few years.

Whenever such substantial changes happen, it also begs the question, what adjustments occurred that allowed for improvement? 

After taking time to investigate my own habits, these are the changes and adjustments I believe have directly impacted my health positively. Truthfully, TBI or not, most if not all, would see benefit from reviewing their own habits and adjusting accordingly.

Sleep Routine
Last night aside, most nights I've been sleeping quite well.  I believe this is in large part due to creating a sleep routine.  While I still have some work to do to attain the consistency I desire, most night's I adhere to a routine that now includes some light stretching, washing my face and hands with warm water, and limiting my screen usage an hour before crawling into bed at around the same time and waking at approximately the same time the following morning.  This has held even through the quarantine period, though admittedly I've had a few nights where my bed time was later and thus I arose later.  For more on building sleep routines, check out Why We Sleep by Matthew Walker, PHD
Which brings to number two; 

Sleep
Admittedly, it's a serious focus for me.  As mentioned above, I'd like to be on a perfect fall asleep and wake up schedule but do stray from time to time.  I also seek that 8-ish hours a night as we've learned through experience that my days of 4-5 of sleep are behind me if I want to live a productive life. Sometimes it's 7.5 and at times it's over 9 but I do what I can not to be less 7.  Lack of sleep for me has come to be a known issue with drastic effects on my personality, focus, concentration, and general function-ability so saying it's a priority is putting it mildly.  And because it's a priority I also add in a little extra during the day when needed .

Naps
This one varies. Some day's it's a necessity (like today likely after a bad nights sleep) and some days I can skip it. Sometimes they're an hour plus and others 15-20 minutes.  So long as I hit the sweet spot and don't wake up during a heavy sleep cycle leaving me groggy for hours, naps have been a wonderful addition.

Hydration
There is a noticeable difference in my cognitive abilities when I'm hydrated vs dehydrated.  And it makes sense because our brain is 80% water.  Yet, like my previous self, many people walk around chronically dehydrated.  It's one of the easiest health changes we can make while it's also being one of the easiest to overlook.  For myself, I aim for at least 1/2 my body weight in OZ of water per day.  And I find hitting that target makes a difference in how I feel not just that day, but the next as well.  

Diet

Check out www.GirlCarnivore.com for more recipes like this.

I DO NOT mean that I'm on a special diet like Atkins or Weight Watchers, ect.  In this case I use the term diet as reference to the foods I eat. I've moved to a more protein and fat focused diet while limiting my carbs.  I'm not KETO, I've simply found I feel better eating more protein so that's my focus.  I've also drastically cut to near zero consumption of foods that create known issues for me, like dairy.  This is not to say my diet is always perfect because if it was I'd lose weight faster but it's better now, getting better weekly, and I notice a significant difference in my brain health, which makes sense honestly.  If my brain has to fight issues in my body created by my diet, it becomes more fatigued.  The more fatigued, the worse I feel.  It only makes sense to create habits around my food choices that will allow for the most success.

Driving
This is a huge one for me personally.  Even before COVID overtook the world, I was leaving my former gym.  Not because I didn't enjoy working there or the people, I absolutely loved and still love, both.  But the driving was creating issues.  Some that were very apparent, some that have become more so since I've not had to do it as much.  But the driving was definitely causing symptom increases.  It was 47 miles each way, which equaled about two hours of total drive time and it's very clear that's not good for me.  Perhaps someday with continued adjustments the issues with driving will no longer be present, but as this is the second job I've been required to exit that involved considerable driving, I cannot ignore the connection any longer.  During this down time, my driving has been limited and the times I am behind the wheel are much more reasonable and don't seem to cause problems.  There have been a couple of longer drives thrown in during and while they do create fatigue by the end of the day, so long as I take the time I need after to recover, the longer term repercussions have been nil.  

Routine
This is a work in progress but the benefits are undeniable. So far I've created both morning and evening routines and am working to schedule more and make use of apps on my phone.  I've found having a white board and writing out daily tasks makes a tremendous difference as does crossing off those tasks when they're done.  Knowing when and were certain tasks will be done helps not only accomplish those specific ones, but I'm finding I don't get as stressed when life happens unexpectedly because my brain isn't overwhelmed.  

Writing
This goes along with routine.  Sometimes it's writing to write.  Sometimes, like this, it's to blog.  It may be for a social media post or it might just be a brain dump.  Whatever the method and reason, getting it out means it's not bouncing around in my brain, mixing with other thoughts, creating anxiety that I'll forget or creating stress because it's one more task or detail.  Removing it from my thought processes means I can have the option to put all my focus on it at that time, or know it's available for me to come back to later when I can focus.  Either way, it's handled in that moment.

Lists

Today's list plus bigger tasks I'm pursuing 

Damn I create a lot of lists now.  A lot.  Some for different challenges I'm working on.  My routines are written.  I've created to-do lists and broken them down for time sensitive purposes.  Lists are helping, though I do need to be careful at times that I don't spend some much time making lists I don't actually do that work.  Feel free to laugh but it's a thing for sure.  

Do Now
This is a big one.  Many times, even if I had time to do a quick task, I'd stack it with others.  Tell me if this sounds familiar:

A 5 minute or less tasks needs to be done.  But because it's 5 minutes, it can wait until later.  And it doesn't create much stress because it's just a 5 minute task.  However, by the end of the week you have 10 of them.  So now instead of a 5 minute task, you have 50 minutes worth of additional tasks.  Not only that, now you have to remember the details of all 10 tasks.  This will require time.  Plus, a few have special requirements so you spend time searching for the instructions but can't locate what you need.  Now those quick 5 minute tasks have taken twice the time, raised your stress and frustration, and create unnecessary problems.  

I've eliminated a lot of that by simply trying to knock most of them out when they arise.  And the impact of such a seemingly small change is incredibly noticeable.  

The big takeaway here is the increased importance I've found in organization and understanding of limitations.  Both of those once seemed like dirty words to me but I've made incredible strides in recognizing their utility.  A little organization can save a lot of time so long as I don't focus so much on the process I'm unable to do the actual work.  Finding my limitations allows me to develop workable solutions instead of consistently trying to push through unsuccessfully.

As such, all roads lead to fewer health issue and thus, increased productivity and life enjoyment.

Seems like a reasonable trade-off to me.    

Light

I made an incredible realization yesterday; for the first time since my injury, I'm actually feeling like my pre-2106 self in many ways.  Honestly, it's amazing and makes me incredibly happy, though I'm also admittedly apprehensive.  The best way to explain it is that it's like my favorite team just took the lead in the championship game but there's still time enough for the opposing team to make a winning play.  Happy to be ahead but still aware that the game is far from over.

Though there's anxiety that comes with such a scenario, when you feel like you've been playing from behind for a considerable amount of time, it's still a good place to be honestly. And while I cannot get the time back that's been lost, it's not to say that there's been no value in this journey because there absolutely is, has been, and will continue to be so.

Part of this process taking so long has been experimentation.  Part has admittedly been my fault for trying to continually behave as though nothing happened.  Part has been out of my control.  Add each and you have the past four years of my life and thus, the life of my family as well.  In that time I've gone through three jobs, three what I'll call relapses for lack of a better term, countless medical appointments, hours of research, numerous days when I didn't feel like myself and couldn't think straight and a couple accidents related to my health issues.  Many memories have been lost and information learned but not retained.  Increased anxiety, depression, and physical symptoms like trouble speaking and and even walking at times.

But I've also had the opportunity to meet some great people, speak at the Maine Brain Injury Conference, find avenues for helping others, and otherwise get involved with the brain injury community at large, albeit in small ways currently.

It's been a roller coaster for sure.  And one that's certainly affected my family.  During the time I've attempted sometimes successfully, many times not so much, to continue being my old self.  I've been Shawna's caregiver, Caden's coach, tried to answer the call when someone needs help.  To be a husband and father and a son and friend.  Normal life activities while attempting to heal but ones that have been a mixed bag of some success and many failures. 

I've also worked to maintain the pursuit of dreams and goals.  To learn and adapt.  To continue pursuing forward, many times as though nothing has changed.  Separate none of these are generally a problem.  Combined, combined is where I've run into trouble.

I have a post mostly written that builds off today that I'll be dropping next week detailing many of the changes I've made but those changes really come down to having the ability to incorporate them into life due to the COVID shutdown of the past 8 weeks.  Because it was mandatory to be home, I've used that time to work on rest, sleep, and probably just as important, develop and implement routines.  Routines I needed but didn't want to admit too (notice a theme there..)  Not all work and even those that do often need adjustments, but they've certainly had a positive impact.

As I said, I'll be getting more into detail regarding those topics next weeks.  For today, it's simply nice to take a deep breath (yes I know, interesting phrase to use during this time in history).  I feel lighter.  I'm studying fairly difficult subjects with some success.  I'm busy consistently but not getting completely worn down to the point of losing myself. I have more medical appointments but feel as though I'm going into them with much more data now that can be used in combination with the Dr's to create proper treatment plans.  (I think a discussion on being involved with ones' own care might be in order come to think of it).

But best yet, I feel able to be involved with my family again.  I'm not constantly aggravated or flustered by noise and questions that require me to think when mentally exhausted.  I'm not feeling consistent neural fatigue and fear that my brain will shut down all the time.  I'm able to spend more time with Caden and incorporate some of the experiences and teaching of lessons I'd had planned over the years.  For now, instead of my brain being the limiting factor, it's time.  And time, or at least how we choose to use, can generally be manipulated to fit our wants and needs unlike a misfiring brain. 

It feels like there is light not just at the end of the tunnel, but in the tunnel itself.

I can work with that. 

Multi-Tasking...Is Bull $h!t.

With the arrival of the new year, discussion has been ongoing regarding resolutions/goals ext for the coming 12 months.  While I'm not going to deep dive the ins and outs of goal setting today, it did get me thinking about a subject that is often included with the discussion; multi-tasking.

Most of us understand that the basic concept of multi-tasking is the ability to work on more than one task at a time.  Most of us also try and do it a little too consistently.  We're of the belief that we need to get better at it and that there are people out there who can handle 100 different projects simultaneously time with peak efficiency.

I'd argue that all those things we think we know, are incorrect.  

My ability to multi-task is admittedly, shit.  It wasn't great before my TBI and it's even worse now.  But like others, I fought it because I've always felt that I'm SUPPOSED to be good at balancing multiple projects if I want to be a high achiever.  Because that's what all the successful people and articles seemed to say.  Frustratingly, many of those people, the ones we follow on social media and seek to learn from, are constantly involved in projects and completing various achievements, thus heightening this false belief. 

So where am I going with this?

I'm going to break down some differences that 'seemingly' allow others to accomplish more with the same amount of time.  Notice I said seemingly?  That word will matter.  Keep reading.

To begin, it must be recognized that we're all individuals with vastly different lives.  Our backgrounds, interests, financial situations, ect, will play into the tasks we're able to complete.  

Examples:  A person with children is going to have vastly different priorities than a person without.  A financially stable person is going to have vastly different opportunities than a person just getting started.  A person who's been in a specific industry for years is going to have vastly different knowledge to pull from than a person who's been in it for 6 months.

In all these examples, the time needed to complete tasks will vary for different reasons and that certainly plays a roll.

As I've looked into my own inabilities to be as proficient with multi-tasking I made some revelations regarding my own behaviors and how they compare to those I work to learn from and the discoveries were shockingly...simple.

Like weight loss and exercise, which I use here because they're my field, there are no "Magic" solutions or special hacks.  The differences in my own behaviors and thosfe who're seemingly (there's that word again) successful, are simple.  

1.)  They handle distraction better: Even while writing this, I've bounced around reading messages and even dropping a social media post.  Admittedly some of that is because I also have a goal this year of being better of doing things when I think about them instead of adding it to a "To-do" list. However, because a distraction is a distraction, it's taking me longer to write this than it may otherwise.

2.) They Prioritize Effectively:  I say effectively because most of us prioritize in one way or another but we don't always do it in a the best manner.  I'm as guilty as anyone of prioritizing tasks I prefer over those I don't even though those I don't are the ones I SHOULD be doing.  The more successful people acknowledge this, adjust when necessary, and are good at being comfortable with discomfort. 

3.)  They're Organized:  This is huge and something I've been working diligently on the past 6 months.  For me, being organized has become as much a physical as mental requirement because it literally affects my brain health.  With a TBI the more work is required of the brain, the more fatigued it gets, and the less ability to function optimally it has.  In disorganized situations, whether it be clutter in the house or a disorganized work project, the brain has to input additional information, sort it, and process.  That's extra work that will limit abilities on the back end.  And while my TBI impacts it more than it may for someone who hasn't had a brain injury, it's still requires additional brain power that could be used elsewhere.  Organization is good for everyone and success predicates that we have some ability to initiate it.   

4.)  They Plan:  This works well in conjunction with numbers 1 and 2.  Planning is incredibly important to efficiency and is vital to the idea of multi-tasking.  First, it's an incredible time saver.  Shawna and I have both taken up nightly and morning routines that we're finding to be amazingly beneficial.  Simple tasks such as setting out the next days clothing and having all our gear packed at night, meal prepping (contrary to popular belief it's a great time saver).  These are just simple examples but whether in person life or business, having good plans makes a huge difference when creating efficient systems.

5.)  They Set Boundaries:  This is a BIG one.  How often do we allow outside influences to impact us?  I'm not referring to unpredictable scenarios that require changing course like illness or emergency situations.  I'm talking about situations where the only reason we don't say no is because of fear.  Fear of making someone angry or upset.  Fear of being judged harshly.  Fear or being ostracized or outcast because our priorities don't match what others think they should be.  Successful people are better at setting their boundaries and understanding that the short term discomfort will be worth it.

6.)  They Understand the Importance of Discomfort:  This is a big one.  As I mentioned above,

Add caption

being comfortable with discomfort is huge.  Successful people have willingness, understanding, and ability to make themselves uncomfortable because they understand discomfort breeds growth, adaptation, and experience that cannot be gained any other way.

7.)  They're Willing to Delegate:  This is huge.  I SUCK at this.  SUCK.  Mostly because it seems as though when I attempt to delegate the task either doesn't get done or it's not to standard.  But, and this is a huge BUT, some of that is one me for not taking the time to explain and set proper expectations.  Successful people delegate because they understand the value not just in having more eyes and ears, but having proficient people around them.  A side benefit is that not only can you delegate to those people, eventually they'll get so good you won't have to because the tasks will simply be done.

8.)  They Understand their Strengths and Weaknesses:  This could probably be a 7a but it also isn't simply about delegating because at times we may have to accomplish tasks that aren't a strength but need to be done.  However, by knowing what our strengths and weaknesses are we can better work with and around them, allowing for more efficiency.

9.)  They're Good with Time Management:  This plays into many of the above successful people are good with their time.  Because they plan, organize, and prioritize, they're able to use their time efficiently.

10.)  They See the Big Picture:  This one is important.  First, it ties the first 9 points together.  When you see the big picture you understand why each is important and over time will develop the foresight to understand how each plays into specific and non-specific tasks.
     Second, the ability to see the big picture is a big part of why it seems some people able to multi-task better than other.  By seeing the big picture, they can plan the tasks and moves in a way that not just part of a single project is being accomplished, but multiple.  Let's use and example here.
   
     A mom of two school age children has five tasks to accomplish this afternoon.  She has to pick her children up from school, read a chapter in science book in the class she's taking for her graduate degree, make a call to the bank to correct an error, make dinner, and spend quality time with her children. 
     All three are time consuming and done separately, potentially overwhelming.  How does she multi-task 5 things that ALL require attention:
     First, on the way to pick her children up she uses an audio version of her science book to get a jump start on the chapter.
     When she arrives at the school, 10 minutes earlier than normal, she parks the car and calls the back to rectify the error.  It only takes 5 minutes and she plays her book for another 5.
     Children picked up, she speaks with them on the ride home about their day and they lay out a play for any potential homework help that evening.
     While making dinner she goes back to the audio version of her science book.  While she gets interrupted repeatedly by the children, she's able to get about 25 more minutes of the chapter accomplished.  
     Post dinner, she works with the children to teach them how to clean up the kitchen before helping them with homework and then picks a science related game to play with them because it's beneficial for all plus she's able to get some great family time.
     As the children are put down for sleep, she returns to her science class, reviews the material from the chapter in her book, and then relaxes her self before settling into bed to restart tomorrow.

We ALL Know That Feeling

This is of course a fictional account but as you can see, while it may appear from the outside that she's great at multitasking, what she was really good at are the 10 steps mentioned above.  Will it always be that clean?  Nope.  But by using the time we have available as efficiently as possible, the ability to accomplish is raised significantly.  How often in example used would be listen to the radio to pick up the kids, make dinner with the TV on, spent time in from of the computer or phone, and then feel rushed and unaccomplished at the end of the day, feeling like we have no time when the reality is we just didn't use it appropriately?

I know from personal experience I've done it A LOT and I'm not alone.

But I'm learning.  I'm evaluating.  And I'm evolving.  Because if she can do it, and they can do it, so can I.

And so can you.

   

I Keep Meaning Too...

How many times do you say that to yourself in one form or another?  "I keep meaning to.."  or "I mean to do...".  Sometimes it's because life gets in the way.  Sometimes it's because you keep making excuses or finding ways to avoid that which you know you should do.  I know it happens to me often.  I have a list of shit I want to explore and complete, which I often don't.  Generally for the reasons listed above. 

There are times when life circumstances will come into play.  Like issues with my TBI.  One of the side effects is that I have an EXTREMELY difficult time with disorganization and uncleanliness in my environment.  It's not quite obsessive compulsive level, but it can be so distracting at times that I put off other tasks because until something is done about said situation, my brain won't allow me to focus.  

This is not our actual fridge.  Though it looked close that day

It happened yesterday in fact.  What started with planning to do dishes turned into cleaning and organizing the cabinets, deep cleaning the fridge, and then yes, also washing the dishes.  A 30 minute chore (I'm extremely slow at doing dishes obviously) turned into four hours.  It was certainly satisfying when completed but I also ended up putting off planned tasks because I'd gotten distracted.  

And while TBI could be partially to blame for yesterday, it's not for today, when I'm again putting off  chores in order to sit and write this.  

However, today comes with a caveat; this post is a step toward fixing a "I keep meaning too" situation I've found myself in.  

Together with other projects, I've been meaning to write more.  To explore and discuss TBI and fitness, and training, and all the things in between that make up large parts of my life.  To work on editing the novel I wrote a few years ago and to begin the new one that's been on my mind.  To set to work on researching, creating, and implementing business plans for future endeavors.  To sit down and focus on my studies as I strive to learn and pass along the latest techniques in training and nutrition.  To grow myself, my business, and my family into what my brain envisions.

It has to begin somewhere and today it begins by simply making a choice that writing this a priority.  And what's truly ironic is that thus far, I'm only 10 minutes in.  All the excuses I come up with NOT to pursue passions and yet, often when I sit down and just do it, I realize I'm potentially passing on years of living that envisioned life because I can't be bothered to sit down for 30 minutes and do what I tell others I enjoy.  

How fucking crazy is that?

There will always be reasons to keep a full, "I keep meaning too" box.  Tasks that will keep you busy enough to justify not pursuing your goals will always present themselves when we want them too.  But there are better reasons to work on keeping that box minimal.  Your dreams and aspirations.  The dreams and aspirations of your friends and family.  The desire to find out who and what you really are.  The ending of wondering "what if".  

Tasks will always be apart but what's in your "I keep meaning too" box often has an expiration date.

Don't let your own reluctance, excuses, and fears keep you from completing them.