The Path

I came to the realization today that I've been off the path.  You may be asking yourself, what do I mean by that; being off the path?  Being off the path means that I've not been pursuing, never mind accomplishing, tasks that are in line with my long term goals.  Essentially I've been failing to chase my own dreams.  The realization has been on the tip of my tongue but while out for a run the other day it found a label.  Much like other life realizations, once I'd defined my feelings, it was though a weight lifted.  It's a feeling I've felt a few times in life, the last time just a week prior, but it still always feels a little strange.  I've been off the path.  And you know what, it's OK.

This is where often times self flagellation sets in for people, myself included.  And honestly, it has that place.  Kicking ones self in the ass from time to time is mandatory in order to improve in my estimation.  Frankly, if we can't criticize ourselves our ability to accept it from others will be limited.  Conversely, constantly beating ones self down doesn't work either.  There has to be a balance of when to criticize, when to congratulate, and when to simply accept and move on.  (This is a lesson parents and coaches 100% should strive to understand)  And that's where I'm at, understanding that I've been off the path, and accepting it.  It's not like I can go back and do the things I probably should have been doing.  No, the only move now is to acknowledge, understand, adjust, and look to learn from my failure(s).  There's a good likelihood that it'll happen again somewhere down the road but with experience comes the ability to not just avoid pitfalls that led me here to begin with, but to get back on the path in a more timely manner if/when it happens in the future. 

So how did I get off the path?  The easiest answer is life.  The more complicated answer is that I wasn't paying attention to enough of the things I should have and too much attention to things I shouldn't.  For example, given that rest and sleep are much more important now than they were pre-concussion, I know I should be fitting those into my days and nights.  They're musts if I want to chase dreams.  So the fact that I've been staying up to late fucking off with Netflix and internet is obviously a problem.  Yes, there are some extenuating circumstances here but facts are facts and prioritizing sleep and rest are musts.  Not working out has kept me far, far off the path as well.  Yes, I work at a manual labor type job but it doesn't remove the need to continue exercising, at least not in my mind.  Between life, health issues, misunderstood orders from PT, and my own mental blocks, I haven't put in any consistent work since well before the year turned.  Not acceptable.  Yes, I need to make adjustments for medical and time constraints but as I look back now, I've been fucking out of it in regards to training which is a pretty big issue given my long term goals.

Now comes the difficult part; getting back on.  You see, often times getting off the path means falling back into old habits.  And the more recently you've broken a habit, the more likely you are to fall back into it.  At least, that's how it's always been for me and without researching it, I'm willing to bet I'm not alone.  My initial thought would be to just stop what I'm doing and go back to exactly where I left off.  Problem is, doing so is the equilivant to jumping into a diet with both feet; I'll set myself up for failure by trying to do to much, to fast and then getting discouraged when things don't go 100% correctly.  So if I'm not jumping right back in, what am I planning to do?  Start simple and keep it simple, that's what. 

Keeping things simple can be hard as hell.  Yes, I meant that exactly as I wrote it.  It's as if psychologically we're tuned to believe that if something seems too easy, it can't be right.  And I'd guess 75% of that time that's an accurate feeling.  That, combined with the constant bombardment of the idea that, "anything worth doing is difficult", can be hard to overcome.  Sometimes, yes, things worth doing are difficult. But it's certainly not the truth in all cases.  Sometimes things worth doing are simple.  Brushing ones teeth isn't really that difficult but can prevent a host of health issues.  Taking a few minutes a day to meditate isn't that difficult but may help mind and body both.  Keeping a day planner isn't really that difficult but may save minutes and hours in the long run. Those are just three simple daily items that probably take less than ten minutes a day but can have a world of impact.  Where the difficulty can come arise is deciding where they fit.  And that's where I'm at with my simple changes currently, deciding where things fit.  I've been trying to make use of my daily planner more regularly, meditation is on my list of daily activities to do immediately upon arriving home from work, brushing my teeth was just an example but is also on the schedule now because planning is of great importance to me.  I've also re-instituted a morning ritual that I've found helps my day get off to a better start, am simplifying and shorting my workouts, have added running back in both because I need more cardio and I actually kind of enjoy it. And lets be honest there are not a lot of workouts that are simpler than running or walking and while they may get boring, with summer coming the woods will be open and I can try some new challenges.

I've been off the path, and whether your running, hiking, driving, or simply chasing dreams, getting back to where you're supposed to be is a process that requires first, admitting that you are where you are, i.e. lost.  Second, taking the time to understand where you are and accessing the situation.  And third, creating a plan to get you back on track.  That could be stepping back.  If you caught it early it may just be a quick adjustment or two.  Or, and I'm unsure how often it actually happens but it certainly can and does, once acknowledgement of location is made looking ahead may provide a point where current and intended paths merge.  I can't say what plan is right and until you're in the situation, neither can you.  At times, it may be a mixture of all three.  I've stepped back on some as I readjust, others I'm already continuing on with, a there are one or two that I've benefited from BECAUSE I fell off the path and will utilize going forward; which fits number three. 

Success is more obstacle course race than flat desert ride

In the short term, success and failures are easy to recognize but over months and years, those lines can blur.  What seemed like a failure may lead to a future success and at that point, you may ask yourself how to tell the difference.  Frankly, I don't have an answer.  What I do know is that I have dreams and those dreams have a current path of pursuit.  A path that I'll step off from time to time no doubt but a path I feel, at least today, I must try to at least keep in consistent view. 



I've been off the path, but yesterday I made progress.  And today I did too.  Tomorrow I will be a step closer.  Are you on the path to your pursuits?